We talk a lot about self-love and self acceptance on this blog, and it’s a big subject! For many people, it takes a long time (if ever) to explore and learn to accept themselves. (Read this post about self exploration to get some ideas.) I know it has for me. (Check out this post to hear more about my own self-love journey.) And yet, as much as you can learn about this journey, it seems there is always new corners to turn.
I think I felt like I had this stuff more or less figured out. A while back I had a realization about whether or not you have to give up self-improvement to achieve self-love (you can find that here). But recently, there has been a growing discontent inside me and I wasn’t sure what it was. Until now, that is.
Who you aren’t
You see, for all the strides I had made on accepting me for who I am, I realized the work has been pretty lopsided, as I haven’t really put much thought at all into accepting who and what I am not.
One of the most difficult parts of forging your path through life that people don’t talk about is grief and goodbyes. We do often acknowledge the grief that comes from losing a friend or loved one, but the way I see it, the older you get, the more you have to accept that the loved one that you’re losing is sometimes you.
The death of a dream
Being young is, they say, a pleasure you don’t fully enjoy until it’s gone. This state of ultimate potential where you might grow up to be and do just about anything. And we encourage young people to dream, and dream big! Which is wonderful, but how many people grow up to be exactly what they thought when they were young? And furthermore, how many people have only ever seen themselves doing one thing or being one specific way?
As you get older, your potential starts to wane. You simply have less time left, that is true. But also your life experience starts to nudge you in one direction or another. Certain outcomes become less and less likely, and more and more difficult. And in other cases, your dreams simply die. You realize that you wouldn’t want to live that way, or that the tradeoffs might not be worth it. And you have to say goodbye.
Forgiveness
And it’s not just childhood dreams, either. We become more aware of our flaws and dispositions and values as we grow and age (if we’re lucky). These are all determining factors, too. In some ways, our worlds become more and more closed off, naturally as time goes by. Our tastes become more defined, our opinions that sit in there for longer become beliefs. We become more stuck in our ways, more “set”.
Sometimes what you become set at isn’t what you thought you’d be. If you’re an intentional person, you may be able to avoid realizing you don’t like who you’ve become, but even the most intentional of us will come to realize that we’re somehow…different than we thought we’d turn out. And even if that isn’t bad, there’s grief in that too.
We’ve discussed forgiveness on this blog before, and one thought I had from a very long time ago has stuck with me. (You can read the post here, if you like.) There are a lot of tough calls when it comes to forgiveness, but the most important person to start with forgiving is yourself.
Reflections
You may not have achieved all you wanted to achieve, or become exactly how you wanted to become, but you’re still here. You still have life left in you to play out, and you still can make the best of it you possibly can. (Read here for how to make the rest of your life the best of your life.) While it’s true that some changes become less likely with time, the fact that you’re still here living means there’s more of your story to play out.
The beginning of the rest of your life starts now, as the cliche goes, and the best first step you can take is to forgive yourself for all the things that haven’t come first. No one is perfect, and no life is perfect. In fact, all we can control is our efforts, our preparedness and how we prioritize as we move forward.
The future you isn’t going to turn out exactly how you plan it to today, just like how you’re not where you thought you’d be a decade ago. But give yourself a hug and some grace, you’re still pretty cool. And you’re going to turn out awesome. (If you need a pep talk for that, read this post!)
Thank you for reading my thoughts! If you enjoyed it, consider subscribing to the blog for more reflections and life lessons and share this post with someone who may need it right now. Have a great day!
