The longer you live in this life, the more your perspective has the opportunity to change. And the wiser you are, the more you will take advantage of the circumstances and choose to allow them to change you.
Not too long ago, I experienced one such period of change. Things began to shift, things that I would have considered to be institutions in my life fell away. People died, as people do.
And I began to feel a longing in my heart. Maybe you would call it grief. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that something else was going on. Not instead, but alongside the grief.
Mourning, a necessary stage
When you’re young, you spend all your time thinking about the future (practically). You dream, you explore. If you’re smart, you try to build. All of these actions, while necessary, take us further away from our pasts. Our roots, the things that birthed us.
And most of us realize this while it’s happening, but these are happy moments—cause for celebration because we are becoming our own people. They stay happy, of course, but become bittersweet as we begin to run into the reality that we never quite grasped the gravity of before; things decay, things disappear and die off.
Call it a less pungent case of survivor’s guilt or maybe just growing up, but you’ll be forced to look back on the things that you’ve outlived, the things you’ve left behind. In some cases, even, the things that you’ve let rot.
Answering for yourself
I don’t think it’s out of line during times like these to start to feel insecure about yourself. As we look back on these things and people that built us up, we start to wonder things like “was I right to move on with my life?” and “what is it that I contribute to the world around me?” These are big questions, and no one person will have all the answers in a singular afternoon or even month, year or lifetime.
As we begin to carry the torch of existence, as the state of the world around us gets put more and more in our hands, I invite you to seriously ponder what you’re doing here.
A legacy of love
The more I think about it, the more I marvel at the vast impact incredibly flawed people and seemingly trivial moments have had on my life. Amidst the past hurts, conflicts and pain that I have navigated, there were these extraordinary, tiny kindnesses and encouragements that have guided me, caught me when I tripped, and given me a safe place to hold little bits and pieces of myself that I wasn’t sure could ever be worth seeing, let alone seeing as worthy.
I will treasure that moment someone sat down with me when I was scared and checked in, that time when I was invited into something by someone who wanted to take me under their wing, and that time when someone was brave enough to let me know respectfully about the wisdom they had acquired in their life.
I only hope that when my time is up at the end of this dream we call life, that I will have been able to give to this world all of the love and the time and energy that have been invested in me. I hope that my talents will be used to bring blessings to others, that I will have taken time out to listen to those who need an ear and a shoulder to cry on. I hope that I can be a lover and a purveyor of peace. I hope that my words will have offered others encouragement, perspective, and a will to go on.
I hope, in short, that I am able to live up to this beautiful legacy of love that can be found when I weave together the in-between moments. That my heart can reach others and be a balm to the hurts that cut at them. And I don’t think I’ll ever know concretely if I have succeeded, but it’s a nice goal. And I’m willing to spend my life working towards it.
Thank you for reading my thoughts. Be sure to tell your people you love them today, and don’t forget to subscribe to the blog if you’re looking for more life perspective. Have a great day, bye for now!
