Hello and welcome back to the Thoughts that Bind. Now, today we’re going to talk about a concept that many of us already know. I think we all need a reminder from time to time, especially when things get rough. So today, I want to sit you down, especially if you’re feeling frazzled and say “it’s okay, I’m here for you. I’m fact, it’s more than okay. This is actually good.”
Now you might be thinking, “okay, she’s obviously gone off the rails, how could me being overwhelmed and overrun possibly be considered a good thing?” And I totally get it but bear with me, okay? Because I’m really excited for you.
The freak outs
Nobody likes losing control. We make it mean all sorts of stuff about us and life, which only makes it worse. We look at life and think “oh my gosh how can I handle all of this when I already have so much on my plate?” And I’m right there with you.
We all like to feel on top of things, capable of withstanding all of the challenges that might come our way. Not only that, but ahead of the game. But it’s okay.
You’re human
Let me remind you that you’re only human. That means that not everything is going to go smoothly all the time. Even the most capable person will feel insecure from time to time, and fail, too.
Failure is not such a bad thing, after all. It’s not like school where we have one chance to get the info and then we’re in trouble. No, life is much more fluid than that. The thing that you’re consistently failing at now might be a big strength of yours in a couple years.
Changing perspectives
But it’s not just the impermanence of failure that makes it not so bad. It’s also what it can lend you, in terms of perspective.
Failure points out what you still have to learn if you want to be in a certain spot in life, and where you still need to grow. Sometimes there is no other way of gaining this information.
When we fail, we’re already doing better than anyone who considered this path and told themselves it was too scary. It takes moxie to push forward even though you know you’re not quite where you want to be. And that’s the moxie it takes to succeed, too.
So what about freaking out?
It’s this change in perspective that we can use to inform our perspective of what we’ll call the mental breakdown. When you acutely have too much too handle and you buckle in the stress of it all.
The fact is, as much as it may not feel like it, what you’re getting right now is vital information! If you feel overwhelmed, stressed, panicked, anxious, this means that something in your life is out of whack.
“Of course,” you think, “how could I not know that?” And points to you for self awareness, if this is your thought. But have you stopped to take a deep breath and be honest with yourself about what exactly that is?
Are you actually stuck?
See, there are two kinds of problems in life. Ones that you can’t avoid and ones that you choose for yourself. While I am aware that there are problems that are sometimes thrust upon us, most of our problems sit partially or comfortably in the second category. They’re things we’ve taken on, knowingly or unknowing, that we have the power to retain, drop, or alter with effort.
While this realization can be uncomfortable and stressful in and of itself, when used to your advantage, it is a spotlight on how you can alleviate much of your troubles. With a bit of effort and shifting of priorities, you can change your life around and be free of this problem or learn to deal with it in a more healthy and efficient way. When you focus on this aspect of it, it is really quite encouraging.
Boundaries and priorities
I have talked about both boundaries and priorities on this site before (you can find those discussions here and here, respectively), but in this case it really is about the conjunction of the both of them. When you set a priority, that’s going to mean saying no to some other things, as well as refusing to let them take up your mental space.
And this is something we’ve talked about before too, in this post about the balance between saying yes and no. But essentially, every yes to something is a no to something else. And that’s wonderful. But you have to learn to be aware of that and accept it. Being more intentional in our decisions helps with this process, definitely. But the other side of it is sticking to your boundaries once you’ve set them. Some things are allowed to (and simply have to) be unimportant. Because if you prioritize everything, all of a sudden you have no priorities.
These freak outs can often show you that this is becoming an issue for you. Stretched so thin, you don’t even know what you’re working toward, much less have energy for it.
The way out
I’m an old-fashioned kind of gal when it comes to organizing my mental space. And for me, nothing helps more than a pencil, some paper, and the sympathetic ear of someone I know I can trust.
Write it all down. Everything that’s overwhelming you and freaking you out. If you’re really underwater, it might be a lot. And that’s okay. First and foremost, it’s good to get it all out. Don’t try to filter it or make sense of it all just yet. Let it be messy. Because right now, it is.
Once you’ve got it all down, take a deep breath and know you’re well on your way to figuring out your way forward. You’re doing great, and I’m proud of you!
Getting organized
Now look at your paper (or papers) and see what all you’ve got on there. You can use different colors or symbols to mark things of greater importance and lesser importance, and cross out things that you know don’t actually matter at all. As you’re crossing them out, make a mental note that you’re taking this off of your plate now. Breathe out as you do it, to drive the point home.
You may also want to categorize certain things as immediately important or important in the long term but not now. This will help you make sense of what currently seems like one chaotic mess. Schedule out a time in each day to knock out the immediately urgent things and stick to it. They’re often small, but if yours currently aren’t, break them into chunks that you can work on bit by bit. This will help you make some headway without feeling like you’re already behind.
For the long term
We’ve talked about long term thinking on this site before, so if you’re a returning reader, it will be no surprise to hear me say that the long term important things are probably the most important overall that need prioritizing. But how do you do it?
Well, for these, you’ll want to come up with long term goals that you can break down, just like with the urgent but big tasks. And when it comes to these micro tasks towards your long term goals, you don’t want to push them off. Make them small. One thing here, one thing there, so you can take the baby steps you need.
But don’t push them off. The fact is, our destiny is made up of these long term goals. But no pressure, because luckily, our destiny is made bit by bit—you never have to worry about the whole thing right now.
Short term
With the short term things, I like to stick them altogether on their own list and make a plan for taking care of them in the near future. Sometimes these things are so small that they will add up to a whole page yet you find you could knock them all out in under an hour!
Others, you will need to write on a calendar or agenda for the next couple weeks. Either way, you will find that while small, urgent tasks can add up to more acute stress and freakout, they are the easier of the two to get organized.
The nugget of gold
I know there’s no easy way of shutting all your feelings down and turning this feeling of overwhelming off. But there is one thing that I would like to share with you from my own personal experience that I hope may bring you comfort.
Every period of great improvement in my life has had these freakouts preceding them. Those moments when it all feels too much and I don’t know what I’m doing about any of it and for a second (or even a couple days or weeks) I can’t keep it all straight in my mind.
During these times, I rely heavily on my organizational skills, coping methods and support systems. And I keep telling myself that while this may feel like too much right now, I’m preparing for my next life chapter. I assure myself that while I feel like I’m failing, what I’m actually doing is learning and growing, and that’s a beautiful thing. And this is exactly what I want to tell you, dear reader.
If you’re freaking out now, if you feel like you’re failing and drowning in all that there is to be and do and remember, just know that you’re doing so much better than you feel like you are. You’re in a period of growth. It isn’t comfortable, that’s to be sure. But you’re going to look back on this and be so proud of yourself. And until then, I’m proud of you for the both of us! This next chapter of life that you’re stepping into is going to be amazing! You’ll have learned so much about yourself and the world, acquired some new skills and experiences, and have leveled up in an amazing way! So take some deep breaths, and remember that you’re doing great! It’s going to be okay. You’re going to pull through.
