What does it mean to be strong?

   I hear so many people say that they feel like they have to be the strong one or they want to be strong for their loved ones when they’re having a hard time. Things like that. But I don’t think we take nearly enough time to reflect on what exactly that means. 

   I was reminded about it all today when someone told me that I seemed like a strong person. I thought, wow, what a nice compliment. But I don’t consider myself particularly strong. 

   The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that I’m stronger than I think. 

Let’s talk about Disney

Okay, spoiler alert for Disney’s Encanto. If you haven’t seen the movie, just skip to the next subsection of this post. 

   But it’s like on Encanto, when the older sister Luisa sings about being the strong one. She feels an immense pressure to bear all the burdens, keep her head down and work, never showing weakness. 

   That song made me cry listening to it. It’s very well written and shows this paradigm that a lot of us have. Wanting to put our head down and just absorb the blows life gives us without showing any vulnerability. 

I used to be “the strong one”

   The truth is, I can relate to this perspective of the burden of being labeled the strong person. When I was younger, I thought everyone’s problems were my own, and that letting on that I wasn’t okay was putting undue burden on others. 

   And you know what? In a way, I was strong back then. I was getting a lot done and caring about and for a lot of people, their predicaments and feelings. But it wasn’t sustainable. 

   I grew to be deeply unhappy and emotionally broken in private. I resorted to coping mechanisms that were extremely unhealthy and self destructive. And you wanna know what the worst part of it all is? I did this in the name of the people I was trying to care for, who said they cared for me. But I’m the process they wouldn’t have liked to know I was tearing myself down to give them what they wanted from me. And doing this only made me resent them with time. 

   So I learned, no matter how strong you are, you need to have boundaries. 

My journey

   These days, I really don’t have much interest in being known as “the strong one”. The fact is, that reputation really isn’t worth anything. Not to me, at least.

   It’s nice to have validation of being a capable person. And sometimes it also feels good to have people acknowledge that you’ve been through a lot in your life. It’s nice to feel proud of what you’ve overcome. Just be sure it’s not at the expense of your mental health and self-image. 

What does strong even mean?

   But if you ask me, all this discussion that we’ve been having is really more just dealing with the aftermath of misconceptions. Because like I said, we hardly ever stop to look at what being strong really means. 

   I think if we were to sit down and think this through, we’d realize we’re putting ourselves through a bunch of unnecessary pain and strife. So let’s do that. Sit down with me, if you’re not already. And let’s think this out. 

Thinking it through

   Now if you take away the expectations put on you to be strong, what do you think it really means? 

   I don’t think that everyone’s definition is going to be the same, but I do want to get you thinking a bit before I tell you my opinion. So give it a second to mull over in your brain. What do you think it means to be strong, in general?

   Got your answer? Good. Now if you’d like, share in the comments below what being strong means to you. The more people’s perspectives we can get on this, the more we’ll learn from each other. But here’s what I came up with. 

Strong, as I see it

   Being strong, as I would define it, means that you are more capable of handling varying amounts of adversity. Whether we’re talking about working out, battling an illness, or withstanding emotional challenges. Being strong to me means that you are able to withstand the stress, turn it into something externally and come out the other side in one piece. 

   But when I really look at it, I notice something. There’s nothing in this idea that says that you can’t be vulnerable or let others know if things are tough. There’s nothing that says you can’t ask for help if you’re in over your head. And there’s nothing that mentions being ashamed about not being able to do something. All of these hang ups we have about being strong have nothing to do with strength. 

   So that’s something. I mean, we can wonder another day about where we get these hang ups and why. I imagine their roots have something to do with our internal monologues and past life experiences. But right now, doesn’t it feel good to just know that none of these pressures you’re putting on yourself are immovable, necessary forces?

How to be strong

   If we’re going with my own definition of strength, then the way to be and become strong is actually quite simple. Do the things that make you more able to withstand the pressures of your daily routine. 

   There’s going to be a need for you to “work out” in a sense. Exercise the skills and behaviors that you want to strengthen so they become more established. 

   But the other side to this is taking care of yourself and employing your coping methods. Like, the healthy ones that don’t cause you to slowly self-destruct. In my opinion, an important one of these is opening up to someone you can trust and talking through your problem. (The very thing that so many of us are trying to avoid doing!) That’s right, being vulnerable and getting things off of your chest when you need it is actually a part of being strong and getting stronger. 

   It sounds silly, but in many ways it does take strength to let people know what’s up with you. And it also builds it by letting you blow off steam and start anew in your push to make things happen. There are few things more emotionally reassuring than a hug and a little powwow with someone you love and respect. 

Go be strong

   And so I hope this little post has helped you realize that you might be stronger than you think. There’s no reason to keep languishing in struggle all by yourself. And if you want more perspective about emotions and mental mastery, consider subscribing to the blog in order to get email updates when new posts go live. Thanks for reading my thoughts. And if you feel so inclined, leave yours down below. What does being strong mean to you?