I hate to be the one to try to push positivity on people who are hurting. All my growing up years, it seemed that anytime I would feel negative emotion, there would be someone telling me why I shouldn’t feel that way. Or why I didn’t have to. Why I was wrong or should be looking on the bright side.
And now, years later, I still very much dislike the reaches of toxic positivity. I’ve covered it before on this site, I think it’s very important to acknowledge and fully feel our feelings—even the ones that present as negative. In my opinion, the only way we can work through these feelings is by acknowledging them for what they are and letting ourselves feel them. This is the beginning of the real emotional work, not denial. And if you want to learn more about this subject, I recommend reading my post about it here.
That being said, there is another side to this coin, And it’s something that until more recently, I don’t think I had a very good handle on. Isn’t that what life’s all about? Gaining new insights and learning new lessons? Well, it is for me, anyway.
So I wanted to take some time and convey my thoughts. Because as much as I dislike positivity when it stampedes over reality and necessary truths, I do appreciate a positive message every so often. I think we all like to drink for the glass that’s half full. And I’m certainly feeling glass-half-fullish right now.
The perspective
I mean, you’ve already read the title of this post and I have no interest in concealing the point further, so I’ll just say it. All of the bad parts of your life can really end up being the things that you’re most thankful for, when it comes down to it.
Now certainly, I do think this perspective has its limits. I don’t want you thinking that I’m making excuses for anyone who commits crimes or betrayals against you. And if the big stressors in your life are not something you’re able to feel okay about now or ever, I think that’s totally valid. Only use this idea if it works for you and don’t feel shame if you don’t align with what I’m saying in this post. If you’re not at this point it has no negative meaning about you. So throw it out, if you need to.
That being said, I’ve come to a place where it makes sense to me. Many things in my life that are ultimately big burdens to bear, chronic stressors and frustrations have brought me to a place where I feel very luckily to be who I am and where I’m at.
My deal
Since having my own adult life, I’ve been a lot happier than I was as a kid. Now, there are multiple reasons for this but I think the main contributing factor is the freedom. I get to make my own rules and choices. I’m not uncomfortably tethered to someone else’s way of life. And sure, some of it was also growing up and finding people who I liked spending time with.
But even though I’m happier, that doesn’t mean my life is perfect, obviously. Just like everyone else, I’ve got stressors. And sometimes they are quite, well, stressful. But today as I was sitting with myself, I realized something quite crucial. Lately, since I’ve been able to shape my life, all of my stressors have been, in a way, good problems to have.
And this is nothing all that exciting in and of itself. When you hone your skills and habits, essentially what you’re deciding is what kind of problems you want to have. It’s good to be able to say “Do I want to deal with the discomfort and consequences of waking up early or the discomfort and consequences of being late?” But there’s another side to this deciding.
Lend me some perspective
What I’ve been noticing is that now that I get to choose the issues I deal with on a daily basis, when I do have them, they give me new perspective and realizations. I learn more about who I want to be, what I want to do and how I want to live my life. And you’d think that any old problems would do this, and to an extent, they do. But when you get to prepare for and choose the life you wish, the self-awareness becomes all the more acute.
When you get to go after you want, you get to find out that maybe that’s not exactly what you were looking for or you have to adjust your goal. And this is a good thing—no, a great thing. Because honestly, it’s the only way to learn what it is you’re really looking for in life. What you want to pursue, who you want to be.
My takeaway
So today, for the first time in a really long time (maybe forever), I can say that I’m genuinely grateful for the challenges that this life is throwing my way. They’ve given me new ideas, new goals, and I suppose, by extension, new life. What more could I possibly ask for?
I hope that this conversation has helped you in some way. I know that being grateful for adversity is a difficult thing for many of us, me included. But maybe hearing about this helped you conceptualize it just a little bit. If it did, consider subscribing to the blog to get email updates when a new post goes live, or checking out some of my other posts. But regardless of what you choose to do, thank you for reading. I hope you have a marvelous day and even more so, a marvelous life.
