I’ve spent a lot of time with senior citizens over the years, and one thing was made clear. There are some who treasure their old age and some who don’t. And the difference, I noticed, was vast.
We’ve talked about the fringes of this conversation quite a bit on the blog, whether it was about mindfulness or bucket lists or simply how to live better lives. And as I often say, all of those conversations still stand. I plan on continuing to devote time on this site to more and more things that we can all do to treasure the time we’re given more.
But today, I want to talk about the perspective. Because while we’ve mentioned happiness baseline and balancing preparation with a sense of yolo, we haven’t talked about this. So, let’s talk about it.
Getting older sucks
I don’t think I have to prove my point much with this one, but getting older really can wear on you.
Physically, you’ll start to notice your looks change and your body starts hurting in ways it didn’t before. And at some point, you also start to lose your strength. Even if you remain active, it happens eventually.
And emotionally, you can start to get quite, well, tired. By the time you get “old” (however you define that), you’ve seen some things. You know that sometimes life isn’t pretty and people aren’t good and even the ones that are can make some terrible mistakes. You’ve seen just how gnarly being human can get.
Not to mention, time starts to warp. You start moving slower or the world starts moving faster, or maybe both. There’s really no way of knowing. But you do have an acute sense of awareness that things are starting to pass you by. And that can be quite distressing. But getting older isn’t all gloom and doom either—not if you don’t want it to be. And I’ve seen firsthand how much of a difference a change in perspective can make.
The bright side to aging
I think one of my favorite things that I’ve heard about aging is something I saw stuck to the fridge of an elderly lady about a year or so ago. She had written the following;
“Do not begrudge growing old. It is a gift not given to all.”
I can only imagine how that phrase must have moved her emotionally in order to put it on her fridge to wake up to every morning. And it’s true. Nothing in life is guaranteed.
When you’re young, just like when you’re old, you’re not sure if you’ll live to see tomorrow. But as you get older you know that you have been able to live. In some cases, a lot longer than others you once knew. And this, in and of itself, is a gift.
The good part about getting older
There are good things that come with aging too. Heck, I’ve even heard it said that no wise man wishes to be younger.
I think the main gift of old age is the wisdom that comes along with it. And if you’re about to discredit this perspective, I’d argue that you’re undervaluing wisdom in general. There are many lessons in life that you simply can’t learn from others. You have to go through it yourself. And once you have, you never forget.
I’ve seen many people blossom in old age. You finally know who you are and what you’re willing to put up with. You know so much about the world and what’s important in life. You know your abilities and what constitutes a good or bad idea. You know right from wrong and how to dig deep during the hard times. You’re much stronger and smarter than your younger self, in many ways. So getting older isn’t just getting lucky. It’s an accomplishment too.
Accepting the past
As you get older, however, you are tasked with the burden of processing your past. And as time goes by, the realization that your past is longer than your future will be. It was put more eloquently by a woman I was talking to about bucket lists. She said that for her and many people her age, the idea of a bucket list wasn’t so enticing anymore. “I think all there really is for me to be doing is to come to terms with what’s already happened in my life.”
You may feel the same. If you find yourself bumming yourself out with your reminiscing, take a look at this post about how to reminisce without making yourself miserable. And if you’re ashamed of your past, there’s always the classic post “I’m embarrassed about my past” to check out as well.
But I think, more than anything, this knowledge and processing is all about perspective, too. Knowing that you’re human and you’ve made some mistakes over the years can be pretty humbling. But this is the price of wisdom. And no matter how old you are, remember that it isn’t too late to try to be a new person. With new ideas. Who’s grown and changed and is moving forward. It’s never too late to do the right thing or to move in a better direction, as long as you’re living. And this is the magic of age on your side. You become more aware of these things.
The difference
The senior citizens who I knew who espoused this perspective were in general happier and experienced less cognitive decline than the ones who begrudged their age.
They spent their days learning new things, doing enriching activities and laughing with friends. And I know, in many ways you can’t control how you age. But I do know that you can do you best to control your response to it and your perspective on it.
This applies whether you’re turning 35 or 75. It’s not that “you’re only as old as you feel”. It’s that you have the opportunity to define what that means for you. I hope you choose something satisfying and affirming. I hope you choose something that allows you to appreciate the time you have left, and celebrate it as the gift it is. And most of all, I hope you find an outlook that suits you—not one you read from some random chick on the internet. Because ultimately, your life is for you to live, and you only. So make what you can of it!
