Have you ever heard the saying “sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me”? It’s an old one that people say all the time. And I get it, people want to show that they can be strong. Stronger than what others might say. But I don’t think it’s wise to discredit the power of words.
Kind or insulting words
So let’s look at this idea of sticks and stones. When we talk about pain, it’s not that straightforward. At least, emotional pain. It’s obviously true that words aren’t going to injure you or “break your bones” as the saying goes, but that doesn’t make them insignificant.
There are actions that people can take that will hurt you. Actions that have nothing to do with the words spoken or with any sort of physical harm. And I don’t think anyone is going to argue that actions like betrayal or abandonment don’t hurt you.
It’s the same with words. I mean, verbal abuse is a thing that happens and it’s just as valid of a pain. When you wield your words, you can lie or insult people, and that will leave a scar. If someone is saying your words really hurt them and you just brush it off because they’re “just words”, not only are you in the wrong but you’re also trying to ignore every instance of emotional pain that you’ve ever felt due to somebody’s words. That won’t do anyone any good.
Our internal monologues
But it’s not just about what we speak out loud, either. They say when you talk to yourself, you are always listening, and that’s so true. Our internal monologues have very real implications on how we perceive our lives.
If you tell yourself anything for long enough, you can start to believe it. And this is where we start to get into the real meaning behind the words. Because it’s not about words, per se. It’s about the messages behind them, the beliefs and feelings and expectations they reflect. You’ll find that if you work on your mindset, you’ll get a completely different experience of the world.
Are you an uplifter?
And therein lies the seat of your personal power. Because if you’re using your words to insult and manipulate others, you might, in the short term, gain status in some sort of social hierarchy. But the sort of connections that you make while being a kind, positive person…well, there’s nothing like them.
I’m not trying to advocate for toxic positivity. I think that negative emotions ought to be acknowledged, felt, examined, and worked through. (If you’re looking to dig more into that subject, read this piece.) But when it comes to how you interact with others, there is a sense of personal culture or creed that you can bring with you anywhere that says “we all rise together”.
When you walk into a space with the intention of lifting everyone up (including yourself), you’ll see how much that effects the way others perceive you. They’ll want to recommend you and your work for opportunities, talk you up to other people, and they’ll be more loyal to you, because they feel good and safe and happy around you. Now, you’ll need actions in here too, obviously. But kind words and lack of thorny ones will be a great start.
Building positive expectations in others and yourself is something that you can do with your words. And while I don’t necessarily believe that the universe has to give you things that align with your positive expectations, I have noticed that people want to give you their best when they perceive you as a kind, caring and positive person. They don’t want to let you down.
Learning language
Now, all animals have their own way of communicating with each other. And we humans have developed language. It’s a really cool thing that we’ve made, although it isn’t a universal.
And I want to give some recognition to language, because I think we tend to take it for granted in our everyday lives. We just talk and expect the others around us to get what we mean. The words flow and usually we don’t stop to reflect how awesome and special that is—to be understood.
The more we reflect in this miracle of understanding, the more we realize that our language is not the only one. And with the billions of people in the world, there are tons who don’t speak our own.
It’s for this reason, I think more people ought to try their hand at world languages. To be able to express yourself to more people and be understood is like a cheat code to the entire world.
Not to mention that learning a new language changes your perception about the world as well, because different languages process similar concepts in entirely different ways. Learning a new language is an amazing way to grow your brain and broaden your horizons. So consider, instead of just hanging out in the one you were born with, working on a new language.
Precise communication
And whether or not you want to learn another language, don’t simply coast in complacency with your own. Learn new words and concepts, and work on using better words to describe what it is you’re thinking and feeling.
I know there are so many people who like to police language and spelling, begging you to be “more correct” with your words and your usage of them. And I’m all for mastery of a language too, don’t get me wrong. I think there’s something so beautiful about a language done well.
But I’m not talking about being more grammatically correct. What I’m saying is that there might be better ways of explaining things so that other people get your message. Ways of conveying nuance that you might not have known about before. And while it is semantics, being “mad” and being “frustrated” are not the same thing. For this reason, it can help to be precise, when you can manage.
Learning different ways of saying similar things can help you feel more in control with your presentation of yourself or a given issue, as well as clear up some miscommunications along the way. So, if you can, try to be more precise with your language to cut through the vagueness of your message. It won’t keep you from all communication issues, but it will help you avoid quite a few.
The power of words
And that’s all I have to say about words, for now. They’re not just silly little things. They matter. And it’s time we treated them that way.
In the end, words are our best tool to paint our world, both internally and externally. To devalue our greatest asset is naive and unhelpful, if you ask me. Next time you feel like being insulting or careless with your words, remember. Words do, in fact, have power. And it’s up to you to use them wisely.
