You know, I really enjoy this modern world sometimes. We have access to so much information and entertainment. It really is like we have the entire world at our fingertips. And I encourage everyone I know to utilize this in any way that is productive for their lives and hopes and dreams. But I think in some ways, it has gotten out of hand.
Our friends, or at least that’s what we call them
We’ve built a world where we’re more connected than ever. Instead of your friend telling you about the great meal they had at a restaurant last night, now you’ll see pictures of it on your timeline before it’s over. And if someone wants to talk to you, you don’t have to be home. They can call or text you anywhere, at any time. Brick by brick, we’ve built a society where we can get ahold of anyone at any time, and we’re used to seeing so much of each other’s lives.
And it’s not just our friends. We like to add our coworkers and family to our social medias, so we know all their thoughts as soon as they think them. We’re so aware of other people’s lives…that we hardly get to live our own.
Privacy, a noun
I know many may call me old-fashioned or unapproachable, and in some ways, that may be true. Especially in today’s climate where we’re used to being able to get ahold of everyone all the time and sharing all our thoughts and essentially performing our whole lives, but that whole scene has always given me pause. What happened to privacy and personal growth?
It’s as if people today think that things don’t count unles you’re able to share them with your 27 best friends (and I’m aware, for people who are heavily into social media, the number is more in the hundreds or even thousands, that’s not my point). I think part of it is natural. We like feeling like we belong to something larger than ourselves. And in many ways, social media and approachability culture lets us feel that.
But I promise you, your life is worth so much more than the viewing pleasure of your acquaintances. The best journeys come from within. From slow, but measured growth. And yes, sometimes a little solitude is what’s necessary.
Comparison
I’m not even really talking much about our need to compare ourselves. That’s a whole different subject. It’s difficult to look at so many pictures of people’s beautiful lives with delicious food and drinks and amazing vacations and new cars and on and on. We start to look around at our own lives and think “Man, where’s all my goodies?”
And you know what? I don’t blame us. We’re seeing carefully crafted highlight reels, often edited or otherwise messed with in some way. So there’s that. And how is our subconscious supposed to realize that of course nobody’s going to post the stuff they’re not proud of? If the awesome is all we see, then how will we be able to rationalize it away? But honestly, it goes past that.
Perspective is everything
The thing about these comparisons is that they take up our brain space and honestly make us less capable of enjoying our own awesome life experiences. You’re so focused on other people’s awesome new things that you can’t even see what you have. And you also lose your ability to focus on the good stuff. If you have all your experiences curated by external sources and streamed past your eyes on their terms, how are you supposed to ever learn how you feel about things? How are you even supposed to develop an outlook of your own about the world around you?
We all know that gratitude is an important practice, but scrolling through Facebook (or any social media, really) can take up the whole day if we let it. So not only do you lose your ability to perceive your life and focus on the things that you appreciate, but you lose the time do it, too.
Becoming unavailable
These days, you have to actively decide to make yourself unavailable. And if you want my opinion, I think you should from time to time. Learn to separate yourself from the various channels of information and socialization you’re plugged into. Don’t answer your phone for an hour. Just take a little bit of time away to be singularly human.
Don’t shirk your responsibilities. I can’t advocate for that, obviously. But begin to try to hone your sense of necessary connection. And if you notice that you’re making excuses in order to stay more connected than you have to, take a step back and ask yourself why. What are you running from?
Learning about yourself
Because here’s something. We often use technology as a crutch now. When we feel uncomfortable, it’s a pacifier. When we’re worried, it numbs us out. And when we’re bored, it eats up our time happily. But you know what? There’s a whole lot outside of the internet. There’s a whole you outside of the internet that you might not have tried to notice for a while.
When you decide to unplug a little from the technology, you’ll find there’s a silence which can be unsettling at first. A world where you don’t know what everyone’s thinking about everything and nobody’s pushing you towards one opinion or another. It’s a place where there are very large expanses of opportunity, but very few suggestions on what to do with it.
When we take a few moments regularly to stop and look at our world around us, the lack of form can be daunting. However, the more time we spend in it, the more we begin to find out a lot more about ourselves, and then we start to give it our own form. It’s a beautiful thing. But you’ve got to endure the silence first. The silence leads you to your own internal monologue. Your monologue brings understanding to who you are and why you act the way you do. And this new understanding will help you find out what kind of life you might like to live, during the moments in between.
The in-between
Life is truly lived in the in-between. When you’re left with your thoughts. When you’re done with a chore. When you first wake up in the morning and you think you might remember a piece of what you were just dreaming. When you’re excited for what’s about to happen or you think you might mess up. If you bury your head in the opinions of others (irl or on the internet), then you don’t get a chance to truly live the life that is fully yours. And that’s a shame.
Other people are lovely. To learn from and share life with. But it’s so much better when you actually have something to share. An opinion, a story, an experience. You need time and space to truly engage with yourself in order to develop these things. And when you do, you don’t need to cling to the opinions and values of others quite so much, because now you also have your own.
Learn from who you are
So give yourself the time and the space you need in order to grow, explore, and be. Consider unplugging from your technology regularly, or at least learning to distance yourself when it’s time to check in with yourself and your goals. The more you craft yourself and your environment, the more you’ll like the person you become, as well as the life you’re living. I know it seems like an overly simple concept, and perhaps it is. But the journey is so very satisfying.
Beautifully written.