When I was younger, I didn’t really know what it meant to have regrets. I heard about people living with no regrets and it seemed…well, like something that was obvious. But since growing up and having an adult life of my own, it has seemed a lot more important.
Now, I didn’t just start thinking about this once I was the age of majority. I would say it started when I was around 16 years old. I don’t know what got into me but all of a sudden, the idea caught my attention. And I certainly thought I knew what it meant to me.
Living large, grabbing opportunities
Upon first examination, this idea of living without regrets was really one of seizing the moment, mostly. And that’s important! Not only is the present moment all that we truly have, but it’s an idea that I very much needed to have at the time in order to live a better, more healthy life.
The thing is, moments pass by very quickly in life. And a lot of things, you won’t get a second chance at. Not everything, but a lot of things. This makes it very important to live in the moment.(If this is something you’re needing to hear about right now, check out this piece about mindfulness.)
Finding a balance
But a couple years later I started working with senior citizens and once again, my perspective changed. (Which is also part of what led me to start this blog, actually.) When looking at their lives, I realized that it’s all about balance—it has to be.
If you want to lead a successful life, you’ll have to realize at some point that you need both that momentary zeal that only mindfulness can bring you, and some good planning. You want to make decisions that will bring you rich experiences now and in the future, and sometimes those two things are at odds with each other.
Ultimately, I think this balance is a piece of living life without regrets, and I suggest you check out the original post I wrote about it if you want to dig a little bit deeper into the concept. You can find it here.
Smart decisions
This realization really solidified my perspective on making smart life decisions. I kept a peripheral eye on the whole “live in the moment” philosophy and began pursuing goals that I knew I wanted to achieve someday. But more than anything, I began really trying to take responsibility for myself and my actions.
I began exercising and meditating. Eating healthy became a priority. I became more interested in seeking out and fulfilling responsibilities. I very much wanted to steer clear of doing anything that future me might perceive as a stupid idea. And again, I believe that this was a very necessary step for me in my personal journey, not to mention an important layer of understanding when it comes to living without regrets.
The fact is, most of us are smarter than we act. We know what we should be doing, what we could be working on in order to become a better person. And we then proceed to not do it. I’m not trying to get down on anyone, I know we all have our reasons. Maybe you’re tired or scared (and so on and so forth), I get it. At the same time though, so many of us don’t do what we could about something because of the things we perceive that we can’t do. And I don’t think that really helps anything.
So the lesson of this phase was as follows: do what you can to improve yourself and your life. If you’re about to do something that you know will put you in a bad situation later…well, don’t do it. Or at least do what you can to mitigate the damage.
The next level
The thing is, there’s just so much to learn in life. I don’t mean that in a defeatist way, just a factual one. And it seems that in order to get to the point where you live without regrets you have to live through a lot of regrets. And what do you do with that?
I think another part of living without regrets has less to do with what you do or don’t do and more to do with how you process it. You know, like after everything goes down, how do you live with the life that you’ve, well, lived?
Your perception of your past is everything. And if you’re anything like me, you probably overthink it way too much. (If you’re remembering awkward things you said or did over a decade ago and still choosing to analyze them thoroughly anytime you remember them, you’re overthinking it.)
What I’m saying is, maybe living without regrets is about not regretting things way more than it is about not doing things that you’ll regret. Like, not wasting time bemoaning your past mistakes. It’s like they say, don’t look back, there’s nothing for you there. And it’s this place where I start to realize I have a lot of work to do. Because I look back a lot.
Reminiscing vs ruminating
I don’t think it’s inherently bad to do a lot of introspection. (In fact, I think some people could stand to do a lot more of it in their lives.) But when it comes down to it, it’s once again about balance. And time spent ruminating is time lost that you could’ve been out making new memories and learning new lessons.
And it’s not just about how much you reminisce either. It’s also about what and how you do it. (I dive deeper into reminiscing in this post here.) Because some people really do use the past as a tool to make themselves miserable. And I want us to stop doing that.
Instead, we need to start using our pasts to help us make better decisions. Instead of fuel for our internal shame, let’s use it as a guidebook for how we want to be in the future. If we’re able to do that, then maybe one day we will truly be able to live without any regrets.
What do you think? Do you live with no regrets? Let us know how you do it in the comments below. And if you want more binding thoughts, be sure to subscribe to the blog to get email updates every time a meeting post is published. Thanks for reading!
