If you’re someone who’s deeply passionate and invested in your life, you’ve probably thought about legacy a lot over the years. And yet, we’ve hardly ever discussed the topic on this site. So let’s break that silence, shall we?
I think it’s a really human thing to want to feel like you left a mark on this world and were part of something bigger than yourself. We want our reputations to precede us and our memories to outlive us. And we think that in this way, our lives will have truly meant something. And we’re right, in a way.
Legacy is important
Making a positive difference in this world is something that many of us rightfully strive for and value. We’ve had pain or struggle before and it’s a worthwhile pursuit to aid others who are dealing with adversity, or if we can, protect them from trouble.
In fact, it’s a scientific fact that helping others makes us (as well as everyone involved) feel more happy. Some evolutionary thing, I’d guess. So when we’re looking out for others we’re making the world a better place, and we’re giving ourselves a wellness boost too.
If more and more people decide that the world around us is our responsibility to build and mold and do so for the sake of improvement, then this world is going to be a better place. The more we’re able to be kind, compassionate, wise, problem-solving individuals based in action and accountability, the better we will make the world for everyone. And if you want my opinion, that’s your legacy- what you’ve decided to put out into the world. Whether conceptual or literal creation, you will change things simply by existing. But that isn’t to say the idea of legacy is without flaws.
Legacy, a second look
When we talk about legacy, we tend to equate it with “how people will remember us”, like after we die and such. And I’ve been sitting here thinking about that concept for a while because it seems riddled with contradictions and problematic “what ifs”.
I mean, first of all, people (and their memories) are fickle. We can’t base our lives on what other people think of us, whether we’re talking about people in the past, present, or future. The people of tomorrow aren’t infallible, nor can we accurately predict what their opinions will be anyway. If we can’t live our lives by people’s opinions of us today, shoving that off until tomorrow (or whenever) seems equally irrational.
And also, history is never a perfect thing anyway. Just think about how many stories have been lost to time (often the ones of people who are anything other than straight white men, or the just ones who lost the battles). Just because nobody told their story doesn’t mean their lives were worth less than others. History’s skewed. And yes, things are getting better as we realize our stories are nowhere near the full story. But you know what, some things will just stay lost forever. And that will one day be you, if you stretch out the timeline far enough.
So the question is, how much credit are you needing to validate your existence? Would it be enough if only your loved ones remembered you until their deaths, and then you were forgotten? To me, the ultimate legacy is not “who” remembers you or “how”, but what changes you were able to make. If anything, the ultimate legacy is to make such instrumental changes that future generations can someday take them for granted. And a lot of people bristle when I say that. That’s fair, you don’t have to agree. But that’s how I see it.
Legacy through blood
So then what about having your children be your legacy? Are parents “doing their best for this world”? Well, I’m not a parent, but I know enough about them to say it’s not possible to make a blanket statement. I’ve always liked the quote that says that maybe you can’t do great things, but you can do small things great. (Or something like that.) And I think parenting falls into this category.
Sure, parenting may seem like a mundane contribution to the world when we think about just how many people become parents in their lifetimes. But parenting done well is a beautiful thing, and a big undertaking. If you manage to bring up a whole other person in this world to be loving, kind, and strong, then I think that’s a big deal and definitely contributes a lot into making this world a better place. Even if they don’t become president or cure cancer or anything.
However, don’t make the mistake of thinking that your children are your complete legacy. They’re not. You’re a parent, and that’s amazing. But you’re more than a parent. You’re a whole person with thoughts, dreams, talents and life decisions of your own. And remember, your legacy is the sum of all the ways you make your mark in this life. Your friends, coworkers, volunteer work, personal projects, etc. You are a patchwork quilt. Your children are a piece of that, especially when they’re younger. It’s important to remember that you’re more than a parent sometimes. Like for self-care. And now, when it comes to your legacy.
Legacy and age
But it’s not just parenting that alters our perceptions of legacy. I think that as people get older, they look at life and themselves differently. I once asked an elderly woman about what she would like to do with her life, like a bucket list. And she told me that there was nothing she really wanted to do. Instead, she hoped that in the time she had left, she would be able to come to terms with what has already happened in her life. She said, “I think that most people my age probably feel the same.”
There’s something that happens to our outlook with age. We know at some point that the amount of life we’ve lived probably outweighs the amount of life we have left, and the person we’ve seen ourself be in the past becomes more solidified in our perception of ourselves. That is to say, who we’ve been means more about who we are than the idea of who we might be someday. We’re not disillusioned anymore–we know what we’ve done and what our lives have looked like, for better or for worse. And I think in many ways, this is a good, healthy re-focusing. Once you’ve grown old, you seem to lose a lot of visions of the grandiose. However, I do think there’s one aspect of this that a lot of people fall into as a sort of trap that can apply to anyone at any age.
Your legacy is not just who you are and what you’re capable of “right now”. Like I said, it’s a sum of who you’ve been and what you’ve done. For older adults who may have new impairments (physically and mentally), it can seem ruinous to their view of themselves. They may think that these impairments somehow sullies their legacy. But listen, it really doesn’t. If you’ve lived a long, full life of good, bad and mundane days, these ones at the end can’t take that away from you. The memories you made, the things you did, and the people you helped (or hurt, for that matter) all still happened. That’s not to say these days mean nothing. They just don’t eclipse your past ones like that.
And I think that’s something for us all to remember, both when it comes to legacy as well as self-esteem. You are more than just your worst mistakes or rough days. You’re more than your achievements. You’re everything in between, too. If you’re struggling right now with life or your health (physical or mental), remember, you’re more than just your struggle.
Legacy, for everyone
So legacy is an idea with many tangled, messy threads. Wanting to add value to this world and the lives of other people is a beautiful concept, and gets a big endorsement from me. But remember that legacy is a nuanced idea with a fickle foundation. Your legacy is not equivalent to your worth, nor is it dependent on your current abilities.
Pursue your goals, your life. Pursue beauty and creation, wisdom, learning, and love. Strive for growth, accountability, and connection. But don’t let yourself get twisted up in a knot of self-esteem and the opinions of others. If you see something you can do to make this world a better place, then do it. Not for the legacy, but for the impact and fulfillment. That’s all we can do in the end.
