Hi! I’m Rebekah, if we haven’t met yet, and I’m so glad I get to meet you today. I run this website, the Thoughts that Bind, and I’m so lucky to have been able to do so for the past couple of years, in order to get to talk to people of all sorts, like you, right now.
Who have you been?
Now, I don’t know your story. You may come from poverty or privilege, or both. You may have had a happy life or a tragic backstory, or maybe a mix as life often shapes up to be. But you’re here for one reason today. You want to know how to move forward and make your life the best it can be. And for that very reason, I respect and support you.
It’s important to look back on our pasts from time to time, which I tend to do more often than most. I suppose I’ve always had that tendency, and in some ways it has served me well. I think it’s hard to know who you truly are without having a firm grasp on your own story and the patterns that have shaped you in the past.
That being said, with a tagline like “living life as it comes”, you come to understand that reflecting on the past will only get you so far in life. Once you’ve gleaned what you can from your life lessons, it’s time to say, “hey, anything more than this would be moving backwards. And there’s nothing for me back that way.”
Who are you now?
Once you’re caught up to your present moment, it’s time to open up your senses. Ground into the present moment and take stock. Use your self awareness from earlier, but this time, you’re going to want to shift its frame of reference to focus in on how things are subtly changing, as things often do. As we often do. You see, part of realizing that we don’t have to be who we’ve always been is gaining the insight that we already probably aren’t– not entirely, at least. And these little alterations that would otherwise go unnoticed can instantly become your biggest clues to who you’re becoming, and if you want to go that way.
So, look around you. Where are you at? How is your life different than last year or five years ago or “back then”? What do you have now that you haven’t always? What new place have you come to?
And look within you. With each new experience, you get new lessons, or new twists on old ones. See, wisdom doesn’t come with age. It comes with intentionally sorting through your experience. Have you come to change your opinions or beliefs? Relish that, that’s learning and wisdom.
Building on your foundation
So you’re caught up. You’ve reflected and reminisced, you’ve grounded into the moment. Where do we go from here? Well, I like to think of my past and my present like the foundation to a building. That’s what we’ve got to work with, and we want to build from there. And since everyone’s foundation is a little (or a lot) different, I can’t tell you how to build your house. But I can give you some tips to make it a house that truly suits you, and that’s what I wanted to focus on with this post.
The idea behind this is that there are basics that in general, tend to produce fulfilling results in your life, so long as you apply them. And then, from there, you’re going to take your past and present awareness and separate out the threads of what feeds you, emotionally. And with these pieces, you can bring together something that is not perfect, but beautiful, and meaningful to you.
Your physical health
So the first thing, do what you can to look after your physical health. If you’re reading this article right now, you have access to so many resources that you are able to do your own research on things like hygiene, personal care, nutrition and exercise. But the point is, you want to do what you are able to look after yourself physically. It’s not your fault if you get sick, but wouldn’t you like to prevent what you can?
It’s indesputable. Being healthy feels good. Being unhealthy just doesn’t. So do what you can to eat well, sleep enough, get moving, and groom yourself in a way that suits you.
Prioritize relationships
We often like to point out how important our relationship is with ourself, and that’s true. It’s incredibly important because you are the only person who will be with you at all times until the end. That being said, it’s important to give your other relationships consistent TLC too.
We all feel better when we have people around us that we enjoy and “belong to”, in a sense. Actually, these interpersonal relationships can often make the difference in mental health to the point where we live longer, happier, healthier lives simply because we’ve got friends.
But it’s also important to remember that even if that idea doesn’t resonate with you, having loved ones is still an incredibly important part of leading a full and fulfilling life. So check in on your people when you haven’t heard from them in a while. Tell them often how important they are to you. Learn to set boundaries and respect the boundaries of others.
And be open to expanding your circle. Everyone needs friends, and everyone has a story to tell. Even if someone doesn’t look like you or talk like you, you may find them to be an absolute delight. So don’t limit yourself. Get to know people. Get curious about others and connect with them, on purpose. You never know, you might’ve just found your new best friend.
Set goals (and stick to them)
Goals help you feel more purposeful and less like you’re drifting through life. Also, when you see yourself making progress or reaching your goals, it gives you something to be proud of and confident about.
To get you started with goals, try to put in perspective what is actionable and realistic for you. Little goals are great for building confidence, and can be pieced together overtime to create big changes for you to be proud of later on. Think about one habit you would benefit from building in just a couple months, and then pursue it consistently. And then, once you’ve got it, you can build another one on top of it. Think of it as scaffolding goals–it is very effective and definitely something that builds self-esteem over time.
Make memories
You’ve heard it said that when it comes to money, invest in experiences and not objects. In general, yes. But it’s not just money. Do what you can to build memories wherever possible. Break out of autopilot mode, and look up from your phone. Get curious and real, and sometimes a bit messy. Take pictures, smile, dance weird and go look for a good story, because that’s what the tapestry of life is all about.
Remember to say the important things, and to be on the lookout for your next chapter. And try new things whenever possible, big or small. This is how you build a life that is fulfilling, exciting, and something to look back on fondly–by living firmly in the present moment right in front of you.
Invest in your inner peace
Most of these points have been about adding things into your life (be it vegetables or a sense of awe.) But when it comes to your sense of inner peace and wellbeing, you also need to let go of things too, like stress, anger, hate and drama. This isn’t always easy, particularly if you are a passionate person, but it is important if you want to live a fulfilling and happy life.
Take time regularly to relax and decompress (you can find my post all about rest here). Learn to master your mind with meditation and forgiveness (discussions you can find here and here respectively.) And learn to live with a greater sense of mindfulness instead of living in the future or the past.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and your needs, or to put distance between you and people who are not willing or able to be respectful of them. Remember that you deserve to take up space in your own life, and that you are the creator of your own existence. You can’t always control what happens to you, but you do get to dictate how you respond and what you continue to put in your life. It is these little things that can rejuvenate or destroy us over time.
Take time to celebrate, a lot
There’s something to be said about people who can just celebrate life. And when you think about it, there’s a lot to celebrate! I mean, just you getting up today means that you have a brand new chance to create something beautiful. And what are the odds that you’d meet the people you did? You’ve grown a lot and there’s so much to see and do and explore. The lives that we’ve been given, even in difficulty, are really quite the gift if we can learn to treasure them.
You don’t have to plan exquisite weekly “just because we’re alive” parties to celebrate life, either. But indulging in the simple pleasures, taking a moment to bask in a loved one’s smile, or having a small gathering to celebrate an accomplishment is wonderful, and something we could all use more of in our lives. Learn to see and appreciate the beauty that’s there, already, all around you. And the more you do this, the more beauty you’ll start to see. Because you’re looking for it. And you’re creating it.
Put good out there
Now I feel like this last point is intimately intertwined with most of the previous ones, but remember to keep putting good out into the world, regularly and on purpose. Work on being kind with your words and actions. Create things that help other people, and be someone that others can depend on.
Most of us think that we are good people, and as I’ve been clear about on this site from the start (you can read that piece here), that’s a messy idea. There’s intent vs action, and all sorts of variations on that question, but here’s what I will say about this for now. Someday, perhaps next year or many years from now on your death bed, you’re going to ask yourself the question, “Well, what did I do?” I’m sure that you’ve done some good things already. Things that have helped others and made the world a better place. But when that question comes from the bottom of your heart in a moment of stillness, you will also be able to see all your moments of complacency. And if those outweigh the weight of your positive bits of legacy, you’ll feel that you haven’t done enough.
So keep going. Be kind. Be helpful. Be nurturing and brave. Stand up for those who need it and build a life, a legacy, a world that you can be proud to call your own. Remember that resting is necessary, but so is reaching out. It feels so good to see the world be just a little bit brighter because of your actions. And this feeling will definitely be the thing that makes the rest of your life, ultimately, shine.
I hope you were able to find some useful perspective from this discussion today. For more suggestions about how to improve your life, you can find a whole host of ideas here. If you liked what you read, go ahead and subscribe for email updates or leave us a comment letting us know what you’d like to talk about in the future. And keep living life as it comes!
