When I was 18, I got my first cell phone. I remember feeling so excited. Finally, I would be just like everyone else. People would be able to text me and I could go online to find answers to anything I wanted. If only I knew what having a phone would entail, I might’ve felt differently.
It’s been a few years since I’ve had a phone. (And yes, it’s still the same one I started out with because, well, it still works so why bother getting a new one?) I’ve noticed that it really quickly was absorbed into my life as a normal thing, even though I wasn’t brought up that way. I suppose that’s a real credit to the people who make smart phones, but I have to say, it caught me by surprise. Up until then I had found anything using technology to have a real steep learning curve, and yet this device quickly consumed me. I suppose I should have taken that more into account when I noticed it.
A life with a cell phone
In many ways, having a phone made my life much easier. I was able to call someone I had made plans with and ask them if they were okay if they were late, or ask them where they were at if I didn’t see them at our meeting spot.
I felt excited with the addition of social media and texting, like I was given the ability to be far more social than I was ever able to before. It gave me this social edge that I felt had always kept me separate from my peers before, and that was a beautiful comfort.
Not only that, but I was able to use my phone to further my pursuit or knowledge and wisdom. If I had a question, I could just ask google and get an answer, immediately. I could find lists of suggestions and books and websites who knew more about anything at all. That’s the allure of this information age–I see it now. I remember how big and magical the world felt then, when I was first exposed to this. I felt powerful.
Nothing gold can stay
The thing is though, that powerful feeling wore off, and before long, all of this was just normal. I began to feel entitled to information in a way that was unprecedented in my life. Knowledge became less of a pursuit and more of a funnel into Google.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not against Google or search engines, in general. (In fact, many of my readers come from Google. So I ought to be thankful for it.) It’s just that I realized there’s something valuable in the pondering. In the sharing and brainstorming that happens when you don’t have access to a nearly omniscient search bar. I realized that those sorts of “what do you think about this” conversations of my youth had stopped happening, because if I wondered something, I would just look it up. Over time, I found that it was cutting down on the amount of brainpower I tried to use, and also on my built-in collaborative thinking sessions.
Enthralled: an attention economy
But that wasn’t the only thing I had lost. The fact is, the whole internet (okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but not by a lot) is built to keep our attention. Youtubers, Google, even website creators like me. We all want your eyeballs. We want you enthralled with our content, consuming more of it. This is both good and bad.
It’s good for us, obviously. The more attention we get for our content and products, the more consistent and dependable our livelihood. Believe me, that’s important to us. But it can also be good for you, the readers and consumers. When the content or the product is something that can raise your quality of life, consuming more of it can be a good thing–but not indefinitely.
Let’s speak for myself. I make content on this site in order to help you, the reader, live an intentional and fulfilling life. That is my main and sole objective. But even that doesn’t mean that you should just keep on consuming it, all day, every day. At some point, the consumption of media begins to come out of the time and energy you have for living your actual life. I don’t want you to just read my stuff and not go out there and do you. That would be a travesty, as far as I’m concerned.
A life online
But not everyone has the same idea as I do. And even those who do, they are often led astray by the systems and rewards of what brings in the financial stability. Plain and simple, content that keeps you reading, keeps you consuming, is considered good and rewarded.
I don’t think we realize that enough in day-to-day life. We spend so much time looking at screens–for work, for information, for recreation. We start to feel that online…is our real life. Because largely, it is. We spend so much time and energy in this virtual space, and it bleeds into our real life. You can shop online for real products that show up at your door. You can swipe right and find a real date for tonight (or maybe even your soul mate, if you’re lucky).
But here’s the question, just because online is “our real life” in the way we experience things, is it really “real life”? Filtering our experience through the blue light of a glowing rectangle has some pretty gnarly side effects, and when we’re brought up with technology, we don’t even know that firsthand.
What I lost to my cell phone
Since having a cell phone and fully embracing a life plugged in, I realized that it was a very different kind of existence. The social edge that I described before became an experience where people can bother you whenever they want, no escape. And even if you do successfully avoid or ignore the continued correspondence, it is certainly not normalized. People are used to being able to reach you now. Giving them any less than that is cause for frustration and seen as rudeness. (Which, as someone who is incredibly introverted, feels quite draining.)
And being on my phone started to mess with my sense of time. Suddenly, hours could go by in a blink of an eye. It was dark outside and I was still in my pajamas. In the moment, I felt that each thing I was clicking on was helpful and interesting–a good choice for my attention that would add value to my real life. But many times, I was wrong.
This experience lead to a very lackluster existence, for me. Time started going by faster, I found myself getting less done and making less memories. Real life seemed less real to me, and numbing out on my phone was now an obvious choice whenever I was feeling uncomfortable or bored. But the thing is, that discomfort is functional.
The utility of boredom and frustration
If you’ve been on the blog a long time, you won’t be surprised to hear me advocating for feeling your feelings again. (You can read the initial post where I cover that here.) But perhaps you haven’t thought about it in this context. Our discomfort and boredom cues also serve a purpose in our life.
They say that all true creativity comes from boredom. If you’re not bored, you won’t be motivated to build something cheeky and new, because you’re just busy consuming what’s in front of you. Boredom is a cue to make something cool happen, and when you override that cue with more static from YouTube (for example), you’re giving yourself a false sense of interest. That’s how you end up four hours later watching pimple popping videos thinking “why am I frittering my life away? Do I really have nothing better to do?” When you numb out your boredom, you don’t give yourself a chance to find quality entertainment or emotional bolstering. And that’s not really being fair to yourself.
And frustration or discomfort is largely the same. This internal cue gives you the sense that it’s time to get up and do something to fix or change your life or the environment around you. Stomping that out doesn’t fix the problem–it just prolongs it. Basically, you’re just dooming yourself to the situation that’s making you uncomfortable. The only time this is a good idea is if there’s absolutely nothing you can do to fix or even help things. And even then, trying to numb your feelings isn’t a great coping mechanism.
Basically, the way we’re using our phones is a great way to end up saying: where did my life go? And what did I even do with it? This is not a new sentiment by a long shot, but I feel that in the coming decades, as our younger generations age up, we’re going to find that an overwhelming sentiment if we don’t do something about this. And I don’t want to end up another casualty.
What I’m going to do
It’s true, a lot of my projects and hobbies use technology these days. And I don’t ever intend to unplug completely and live off the grid. But what I can do is take some lessons from my former self–the girl who didn’t have a cell phone and had a certain way of going about things. I’m going to work on reducing the ambient noise around me that I often subject myself to, through my phone. And I’m going to play less stuff in the background of my life– embrace the silence. I’m going to leave my phone in the other room when I’m at home, doing something. I’m going to make a habit of working on things that don’t have technology that I enjoy, and I’m going to make time to be away from screens (not just my phone, but the TV and my computer too).
And I’m going to also start looking at the ways that I use my phone, too. I will cut down on the unintentional phone useage like YouTube binges and Candy Crush knockoffs. I’ll eat my meals in relative silence. I will take time in the mornings to think and simply be, instead of tuning into the noise of the online world.
I want that sense of connection back, that I used to feel with myself, my life, and the immediate world around me. And I don’t regret buying a cell phone or upping my online literacy. I’ve met friends and found ways to make my craziest dreams come true. I’ve learned things that I never would’ve had access to in my own little corner.
I’m proud of the way I’ve handled myself online (for the most part), and happy with many things it’s given me. But I don’t like the hold its got on me and my brain. I need to unplug, and make a point of keeping things that way. Or else I will someday look back on my life and wonder “What did I even do with it?” And that thought bothers me much more than missing out on the latest funny meme–or the next few decades of funny memes.
So I’m doing it. I’m putting my phone away, at least as much as I’m able. What has your experience of technology been on your mental and emotional health? And if you’ve done a digital detox, leave your tips below. I sure could use them. As always, thank you for reading. And now that you’re done, go out (or stay in, whatever floats your boat) and live your life! The people and things that you care about deserve your attention. So go and live and make this world a better place.
