If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that I haven’t always been the most organized person. (Start on that story here.) Even after moving into my own place, I still had a lot of messy tendencies and honestly, felt powerless to change this part of myself. After getting so frustrated with myself, I turned to books. And today, I want to talk about one of the books that turned my life around. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.
The book
I had never head of this book until it came across my path, and I immediately decided to read it. Now of course, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up is (and was already at the time) quite a popular book that had helped change many lives, but I wasn’t in any circles that discussed that sort of thing. Now it’s even a series on Netflix.
The book is a nonfiction book written by Marie Kondo for the purpose of helping its readers to effectively declutter their lives and homes. And it is funky. (I mean that in the best sense.) Ms. Kondo outlines her own personal system of organization and decluttering, giving you a specific strategy and order to everything. All you have to do is listen to her instructions and implement them. Which yes, in case you were wondering, does take effort. But the philosophy that comes with it is so compelling that it makes the effort very exciting. Not to mention that once you get to the end of it, you do feel quite content.
The thesis
The main idea that this book propagates is that you can have a home that is relatively clean, neat and organized when you undertake this system, but also that you will not revert back to being a messy hoarder type.
And you know what? I’m someone who always considered myself a pack rat, lazy, and a person who never had a clean space (or anything resembling one). And I can definitely say that after going through this process, I am not the same person. At least, in terms of how I maintain my space and my possessions. It’s true, there was a real and noticeable change in me that still is there, years later. And that is what we call a result.
Tidying Up, a perspective
There are some odder undertones in the book that may not directly resonate with everyone, such as thanking your possessions for their service before you donate or discard them. The book does cross over slightly into the territory of anthropomorphizing, but I find that to be endearing. Also, it does something to build your sense of gratitude, which becomes something of a decluttering emotional battery for what would otherwise be a more difficult task. But even if that’s just a little bit too weird for you and you decide not to do it, you can still get quite a bit out of what remains.
Marie Kondo is of the belief that our possessions should actively bring us joy. And if we are keeping something around that doesn’t bring us joy any longer, then it’s time to discard it (excepting of course, important bureaucracy and other utilitarian things). As I read further, she continued to build this world with vivid detail and strong emotion that I could actually see a new way of being, accessible to little ol’ me. For once, I was able to imagine myself having a personal space that I could feel at peace in. This book holds your hand and makes you know that what you seek is possible for you. And that you can have something you may never have even thought to desire. A home where you look around and feel joy at every single thing that you pick up. That’s a lot of joy.
The process
So those are some strong words, for sure. And you’re probably wondering how that works. Well, it’s actually a fairly simple way of going about things. But she encourages you to do one type of possession at a time, starting off with clothes and finishing with sentimental items.
It wouldn’t seem like it would matter much, doing one kind of thing before the other, but I definitely recommend going about this in the order that she suggests. Clothes are the easiest category to start with, and sentimental items are something you really don’t want to try to tackle until you feel comfortable with the process and how it feels when it’s successful.
With each item, you hug it to your chest and feel whatever it makes you feel. The question that Marie Kondo asks you to answer is simply, “Does this spark joy?” If you really tune in to your body and mind and the item that you’re holding, you will be able to answer that question. Some items you will already know, even without holding them close to your heart. But bringing them to your chest really helps drive the point home and makes you extra aware of how your possessions make you feel. Does hugging this thing fill you with dread or dis-ease or annoyance? Then it’s time to thank it for its service and move on. If you feel positive and joyful hugging whatever it is, then great! Keep it and move to the next object.
What it’s not
So with a book all about answering the question of what to keep and what to discard, you may think this would be a book about minimalism. But it’s very much not. Minimalism, as I see it, is a philosophy of less and there is nothing in this book that tell you that you should have/buy/keep less possessions. In fact, if you have the house of a hoarder but the space and everything in it brings you joy, then this is a success, according to the doctrine of the book. (It doesn’t explicitly state that, but that is the attitude and process behind the book, stretched to its most extreme.
But Marie Kondo herself is very open about this–it’s not a book about living with less. It’s about keeping only that which sparks joy, so that your space brings you peace instead of more emotional baggage. And it really works. I think it’s a little bit of cause and effect. When your mental health sinks, it brings you to manifest it outside of you in chaotic ways of handling and managing your possessions and personal space. But surprisingly, it works the other way too. When you clean up your habits regarding your possessions and personal space, your mental and emotional state is eased.
What it taught me
This approach is certainly not a cure-all but I’ve reaped the benefits of this firsthand. I go home to a relatively clean space now, even when it’s messy, because there really aren’t as many things to become clutter either.
But more than that, I learned that having something just sitting around collecting dust when it just makes me upset is not worth it. I’m not doing anyone any favors by holding onto stuff that wears away at my well-being, including the object itself. It could be out there making someone else happy.
I used to subconsciously use my possessions as a way of torturing myself. Keeping myself on the hook for all my past wrongs and embarrassments long after everyone else had forgotten or forgiven them. I looked around my home and saw all my failures and struggles. Now instead, I consciously use my possessions to bring me peace, comfort, and joy. I use them to positively reminisce and inspire me towards a future that I plan a new piece of every day. Life is still hard, but now the things that I own aren’t making it harder.
And now, when it’s time to pick up my things, not only does it take less time (due to having less possessions overall), but it also takes less emotional effort. I’m not remembering all of my follies or trying to convince myself that I’m worthy of having a nice looking space. Yes, it’s still effort, but it flows better than it ever did before. This manifesto on possessions had me looking at my stuff, my space, and myself a whole new way. With a whole new sense of respect, gratitude, and joy. And that’s so much more than I ever expected from a book about tidying up.
Go read the book
I would recommend this book for nearly anyone, but particularly people who think they are just “naturally messy” like I did. (I still kinda do, but it doesn’t come with the same emotional implications it once did.) It peels back the layers behind this statement with no judgement, allowing you to see that you’re not bad, you’re not lazy, and you’re definitely not broken.
