There are many ideas out there that fall flat when you simplify them down to a platitude, particularly in the space of philosophy and wellness, because like we’ve discussed already, everything in moderation will actually ruin your life if you apply it indiscriminately. (You can find that discussion here if you’re not sure what I’m referring to.) But there is one platitude that (while I don’t consider the be-all, end-all of living a wonderful life), seems to hold up with a minimal amount of necessary caveats.
What is this truth?
Life can be amazing and beautiful— it is amazing and beautiful. But it also gets confusing, frustrating, and exhausting. And it seems to me that a lot of people are running around looking for one thing: happiness.
With all of the trials and tribulations of our existence, we know that happiness is fleeting, at least as we experience it. And we’ve resigned to that, for the most part. (Although it doesn’t stop us from continually reaching for it, does it?)
But to me, this says something. Because when life does get difficult, we all have different responses. Some people try to desperately plan and scheme and claw their way out of what they perceive to be the situation causing their discontent. Others just have a meltdown, unable to act or even fathom their reality as they fall into despair. And a third group of people do something rather spectacular, really. They cope. And I guess that’s what I will consider this. A case for coping.
Coping
So when we talk about coping, we tend to do it in a more therapeutic, stuffy way. Like, “you’re struggling with life in general, are you doing things to reduce your stress? Are you able to get through the day without trying to self-destruct?” Then you’re coping. But what I’ve come to realize is simply this: coping isn’t just for crises. And coping doesn’t just have to take the form of mitigating disaster either.
We develop coping skills (some healthy, others maladaptive) in order to feel less bad in the moment. But what if, instead of feeling less bad, we actively searched for things that would make us feel a little bit better?
This is a semantics argument, to be sure, but I think it’s an important one. Because there’s a huge difference in the experience of the two things. Firstly, you have a baseline of distress that you’re trying to lessen. That’s a valid and accurate assessment of the situation, but how much better does it feel to say this instead?
“I have felt good before, and I will feel good again. In fact, I know things that I have found little bits of joy from before. Let’s go do one of those things to feel a little better.”
When you have a baseline of confidence in your ability to feel happy and well, it’s a lot easier to consider the things that you enjoy, and a lot easier to perform them and get enjoyment out of them too. And so when it comes to coping, perhaps this is how we ought to be looking at things.
During the day
Now, as I’ve already mentioned, coping isn’t just for when you’re feeling awful. Or at least, it doesn’t have to be. Even if your life is more or less okay, and you’re having a good day, you can still take a look around and ask the question: what can I do to feel better today? What can I do to bring more fun and joy to this moment in time?
In this way, we bring this updated idea of coping into our daily lives, and with it, a new perspective on what our lives could be. If you’re always bringing new, fun, interesting things into your life, put simply, you will be happier. You will be more vibrant. And you will be able to put that positivity out into the world a lot easier, too. Which means that your social circle will also benefit.
So, do something to make yourself feel just a little bit better. And we’re lucky, because having lived with ourselves for our whole lives, we have some experience with what we enjoy. What makes your heart sing? What makes you giggle? Go do some of that. And then do some more. Maybe share it with your loved ones too, while you’re at it. Let yourself participate in the things that make your day just a little bit brighter.
The one caveat
Do something right now to feel a little better. It’s a simple concept, with very little backstory required. And I think you should give it a try! But sure, like anything else, I will admit there is a caveat for this teaching.
So, to clarify: Do something right now to feel a little better, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.
Sometimes we want things that will cause harm to ourselves or others. And many of these things do tend to come from the basis of “trying to feel less bad” instead of feeling better, but I don’t think that’s always the case.
Check in with your internal guidance system. Does what you want conflict with other people’s rights, needs, or desires? Then find something else. I don’t advocate for causing others harm for your benefit, or for causing yourself harm long term for short term pleasure (you can read about immediate gratification here.) And I promise there is something else that you can do to turn up the enjoyment factor of your life. Something that’s not going to hurt yourself or others around you.
This is pretty universal
So what can you do, today, to feel just a little better? What can you do to have a little more fun? These things are not pointless. In fact, maybe they’re what life is really about. Nobody can really say that they know why we’re here or even that we are here for a reason. But here we are. We might as well enjoy ourselves, and open up the door for others to do so as well. Because fun is contagious, just as much as fear and frustration can be.
We all cope with life, on a day to day basis. But when we take a different approach to coping, we can really start to enjoy our time more. When you look at coping as “how can I feel a little better” instead of “how can I feel a little less bad”, your foundation becomes more positive, and from there it’s simpler to build a framework of joy, celebration, and fun.
