I don’t remember the first time I heard the adage, “everything in moderation”. I do however, know that I have heard it many times since that first time, and I’ve always had some latent problem with the idea. So today, we’re going to talk about this idea of moderation. What it is, why it’s important, and the problems it poses to our lives if we take it too seriously.
Moderation, what is it?
So when we’re talking about moderation in general, what we’re really saying is, “just some, not too much.” The idea seems simple. Not a lot, just a moderate amount. The problem with that is that everyone has their own idea of what “moderate” might look like. And when it comes to things that we should be taking in moderation, “moderate” is really less of a measurement and more of a caution.
So as useful as it is to say, “sure I’ll have cookies, but just a moderate amount”, that usefulness only goes so far. Especially if you think it’s moderate to have “just one” batch of cookies every single day for the rest of your life. Maybe that’s less cookies than you want, but it isn’t moderate, and it isn’t healthy to eat that many cookies in a day, much less every day.
We’ve lost touch
Now, clearly the cookie example is extreme. Even people who love cookies probably don’t want a whole batch of cookies every day. But in society today, we seem to have lost touch with the idea of moderation altogether, just like this hypothetical person has with cookies. We’re so focused on bigger and better and more that the idea of moderation…well, it doesn’t compute. To someone who’s used to huge transformation stories and being touted extremism for every direction, what seems like moderation doesn’t really reflect moderation. Our perceptions are skewed.
And yes, we can talk about diet all we want, because it’s an easy example. (If you talk to nutritionists and dietitians, the amount of vegetables that they know we should be eating might surprise you.) But the fact is, it’s not just food. What about all the screen time we get? And how about our sedentary lifestyles? What about our internal monologues of self-criticism? There’s nothing moderate about that. Not for most people these days.
Moderation, a good thing?
So we can say “everything in moderation” all we want. But we’re not doing it. Not really. Maybe moderation is a good thing, if we were to follow it. Maybe it hasn’t failed us, so much as we’ve failed it. I suppose we can never truly know unless we get back in touch with what is truly necessary and what is instead, an add on or luxury. (You can read more about how we’ve forgotten what luxury is here.)
The truth is though, even as far off from moderation as we’ve become, I still have issues with the idea behind “everything in moderation”. Even if we did it perfectly, hypothetically. (Although the idea of perfect moderation in itself seems almost like an oxymoron already.) I mean, even upon first brush, this idea of everything in moderation has its problems. Mainly that there are many things that a moderate amount of is not what we need.
Some things are not meant for moderation
Now perhaps this is because of our skewed perception of what we need to be thriving, but I would argue there are many things that we actually need much more than a moderate amount of in order to be in tip top shape. When I looked up what moderate and moderation actually mean, the explanation that I got was “an average amount” and “a process of lessening extremes”. Which is all fine and dandy, until you remember that humans don’t come with an instruction manual. And that there are many norms in our culture that are not really all that good for us.
It’s common in US culture, for example, to make bad decisions regarding your physical and emotional health, and then to excuse it by saying, “well I’m here for a good time, not a long time.” Is that average? Well, it is over here. Is that your right? Of course it is. Is it healthy? No. No it is not. A healthy amount of self-worth and self-care may be more than average, and thus, more than what some may call moderate. But it is still healthy, nonetheless.
And it depends on your goals too. For instance, if you want to become a grand entrepreneur, you’re going to need much more business and marketing skills than what is average or moderate. Sure, everything in moderation is fine, if you want to live a moderate life. But most of us don’t, in one way or another. You may not want anything crazy out of life, but I’m sure you would enjoy having health, wealth or happiness in abundance rather than moderation.
Not even moderation
Not to mention that some things just aren’t worth it. For instance, it’d be best for you if you steer clear of abusive relationships completely. Not just, you know, a moderate amount of domestic violence. Even a moderate amount of toxic friends is enough to make you pull your hair out. Now, most of these sorts of things are hypothetically obvious. And yet, they persist. It’s not only this idea of “everything in moderation” that allows people’s bad decisions to propagate. But it does, in fact, do that.
There are so many people who know that they’re doing something that’s bad for them. I’ve done it, you’ve probably done it, you might be doing it right now. And all the while, there’s that voice in their head that says, “well, this isn’t normal for me.” “Just this once” or “just a little bit won’t make that much of a difference”. But it can. Some things are just bad for you, even in moderation. And some things are so bad for you that even once will have a profound impact on your life for the worse. Maybe you can come back from it. Usually you can come back from it. But the scars will still be there.
So, moderation. Good or bad?
The truth is, we’ve gotten pretty much to the end of this discussion and we’re nowhere close to tying things up neatly in a bow. And that’s because this is a topic that has such broad applications, I wouldn’t dare to supply what might be construed as “the ultimate answer”. I’d be a fool then. But I do think it gives us food for thought.
It’s time to get back in touch with the idea of true moderation and start observing if we’re looking at things through the eyes of an extremist. But maybe true moderation isn’t the answer either. And I would argue, much of the time, it’s not. For the most part, it depends on how you truly want to live, cause and effect, with a bit of randomization thrown in because nothing is promised in life. (A discussion for a different time, which you can find here.)
It’s worth asking the question, “is the moderation model of life useful for what I’m trying to achieve?” and also, “where am I sitting in terms of moderate to extreme in my understanding right now?” The truth is, I don’t want to be moderately miserable or moderately lonely. I don’t want to be moderately pessimistic or unkind. So for me, moderation is only so useful. Use it wisely, to get to a place where you can thrive.
