We often think of being a minimalist as an identity. You can find minimalist communities online, hear people say “I’m a minimalist”, and so on and so forth. But when it really comes down to it, being a minimalist is really just a place that you “arrive at” after the snowballing effect of asking yourself real questions and being courageous enough to give yourself real answers. 

   If you’re coming over from my last post about minimalism, hello again. And if you’re not but want to check it out, you can find it here. But basically, today we’re covering minimalism, step two(ish?). After you hear about minimalism, you know what it is and what it can bring to your life, then comes the next question: how?

Get rid of your things

   So, obviously, if you’re going to be a minimalist, it’s time to downsize. You’re going to need to get rid of a lot of things. (Some will get rid of more than others, that’s definitely true.) As you may already know, this act is called decluttering. The thing I love about that term is that it’s incredibly straightforward. You want to get rid of the clutter. And that’s the first thing I would suggest you do when you’re starting out your journey with minimalism. 

   If you look around your home and see something that is clutter, then just get rid of it without another thought. You don’t need something that is just clutter for you. If you’re not sure if it’s clutter, based on your feelings or some rational thought, then you can leave it for later. But get the definite clutter out first.

What happens next?

   Well, I think that this journey is really one of questions. And if you ask me, the question of “how can I be a minimalist?” is very simple. It stems from looking critically at your philosophy and the philosophy of minimalism, seeing where they coincide and where you would like them to coincide, and then acting from those realizations. Basically, it’s a question that just yields more questions. So today I’m going to provide you with some of the questions that arise after the initial one. These can help you reflect on your relationship with your possessions, as well as where it could be in the future. 

What does “less is more” refer to? What ways can I apply this to my life?

   A big part of the philosophy behind minimalism is that sometimes less is more. It can be easy to see, as things start leaving your life, how much more free you feel. But in the beginning, trying to think this way can be a stretch. But as you get more used to it, it comes more naturally. So this question is more of the “long-term, percolating” type instead of the “immediate and definite answer” type.

Do I wear all my clothes? 

   The answer to this is one I can probably tell you. No, no you don’t. Most people don’t, actually. If you wear it and love it, keep it! And if not, why don’t you wear it? If you don’t like it or it doesn’t fit, get rid of it! We keep so many clothes that we don’t wear. We tell ourselves we will fit into them “someday”. Or worse, we tell ourselves that we should like it even when we don’t. 

   Don’t torture yourself. If it doesn’t fit you and make you feel good wearing it, it’s not worth keeping. Maybe your tastes will change. Maybe your body will change. But that’s not reason enough to keep around things that aren’t useful to you (or that you use to make yourself feel bad). If you don’t like it, don’t keep it. (And if you have the means, don’t keep it unless you absolutely love it.)

Am I trying to live outside my means? 

   So, here’s an uncomfortable truth. We put far too much stock into status symbols. I’ve heard a quote that goes something like this, “We go to jobs we hate to buy things we don’t need to impress people we don’t even like.” Paying off a bunch of fancy things you don’t need to impress others or feel valuable is an empy experience that can quickly turn into an empty existence. 

   It’s not that you can’t have nice or expensive things. But if you’re thinking of buying something expensive, consider why you’re buying it. Is it something you need or want? Or is it something you’re hoping will impress people? And can you really afford it, or is it something that you’ll end up paying payments on for way too long? Nobody’s going to tell you what to do. But it’s certainly worth putting yourself in check. Don’t try to live outside your means, that just won’t end well for you.

What do I do for fun? 

   If your goal is to get rid of a lot of your possessions, you know what is really counterproductive? A shopping hobby. If somebody asks you what you want to do today and “shopping” tends to be your go-to response, think that through. Consumerism in general, can be a mindless thing, but also, shopping is fun.  

   If you really enjoy shopping, consider what you’re getting out of it that makes it so enjoyable for you. You might be using it to fill time, or just as a go-to for bonding time, because everyone knows that a shopping trip without conversation is unlikely. Or maybe you love shopping because it makes you feel productive and like you’re gathering things that will really help move your life along. Whatever it is, examine that urge. Try to fill it with activities that will meet your needs more directly and intentionally, because if you’re trying to be a minimalist, the accumulation of stuff obviously isn’t what you’re working towards.

   Consider taking up new hobbies, too. Finding new ways to make memories and have fun can be a daunting task, but it is also super fun and fulfilling. You’ll make new memories just looking for new ways to make memories, and you may even find a brand new favorite thing to do!

What do I have lying around my home that makes me sad? 

   If there’s one thing I learned from my journey through tidying up a la Marie Kondo, it’s this: don’t keep something that just makes you sad! There’s no reason to torture yourself with your possessions. When you look around your space, are there a bunch of uncomfortable memories enacted just by seeing the possessions that you’re keeping? It’s a lot more common of a problem than you might think.

   When you’re decluttering sentimental items, really check in with yourself. It can be difficult to feel what mix of emotions an object brings you when the burst is so intense, so save those things for last, But when it comes down to it, do a gut check. Are the memories and feelings this object is bringing up leading you more to a positive or negative mindset? Are you filled with remorse or pain? Then you don’t have to keep this thing.

We are the curators of our lives, of our possessions, and of our brains. If something only serves to bring you painful memories, that’s not a very useful object to you and your life. Don’t feel guilty about getting rid of it, like “I haven’t learned my lesson yet” or “I haven’t suffered enough for what I did” or any of that. Throw it out, or if it can still be used by someone, send it off with gratitude for what it was able to give you, and move on.

   You still went through those experiences. And if the memories become important to be able to retrieve, they will still be there for you to look back on, to grow and learn from. You do not need a reminder of them sitting on your coffee table. Or in the top shelf of your closet. Or hiding underneath your bed. If you want to read more about this aspect of decluttering, go ahead and check out my post about decluttering my past.

Is there a place for everything I own? 

   This question is simple: if you can’t find a place for everything you own, then you own too much for your space to handle. Take a day or two to designate the official resting places for your possessions, just to ensure that this issue isn’t down to messiness. 

   But once you’ve tried, if you can’t find a place for all of your possessions to go when they’re not in use, then it’s time to downsize. Your space isn’t clean until everything is put away, and if you can’t have everything put away because there isn’t enough space, you own too many things for the amount of space you have. Don’t push it off by using storage lockers of getting a bigger home. Not if you can help it. Face the issue, before it gets worse. 

   Also, consider that if you don’t have an official place for something to reside, you just may not value the object as much as you thought you did. If it always ends up on the floor in a contorted position? Probably not one of your prized possessions. Consider getting rid of it. 

Do I know what everything I own does and what it goes with? 

   So, there’s a funny category of possessions we have but we don’t tend to realize that we do until we take stock of our things: unusable items. Now, there’s a pretty broad range that these things can be. Mismatched socks, cords and cables whose function you’ve forgotten years ago, weird kitchen appliances that you got as a gift or were ambitious enough to buy yourself. We tell ourselves, “oh, what if I need this someday?” We keep it. But honestly, what really ends up happening is that we forget we even own that thing and ultimately, we forget what its function even was in the first place. 

   This is definitely a low-hanging fruit sort of exercise, but that’s what makes it so fun! Right now, go around your home and grab anything that you can’t use anymore or don’t know what it does, and put it in a pile. You might be surprised at how much you’ve kept over the years. I know I was, the first time I did this. This is all of the space you could’ve had for things that you actually wanted to use. This is all the clutter you could have been rid of by now. Isn’t it amazing, the things we save, in hopes of vague, unpromised convenience down the line? You attempt to help yourself all the time. It’s just that sometimes, your efforts are misguided. 

   And once you are able to see your own efforts to ease your way, as well as how misguided they have been thus far, take some time out for a giggle and to thank yourself for trying. And then, send these items off to a new home. After all, you can’t use them. 

What are the hidden costs of owning something?

When you buy something, you look at the price tag to see how much it costs. But that’s not the only “cost” of an item. It might be the end of the money, but money is not the only price to be paid.

After buying something, it’s up to you to take care of that thing. That involves finding a place for it, protecting it from thieves, and keeping it clean and maintained. Now, each item will have a different “hidden cost” to it, and some hidden costs are more taxing to some than others. What seems like second nature to you might be overwhelming to somebody else. But the point is, you want to think about these things when you plan on purchasing something, or even taking something for free. Does this item have the potential to fit will into your life, even with the effort that you’re going to exert by owning it? If not, then you probably don’t want to bring it home.

What do you actually need to live? Could you make small adjustments to get rid of things?

When we think about the bare bones of minimalism, a big question we start to ask ourselves over and over again is “What is necessary?” Because the fact is, it’s easy to accumulate a lot of unnecessary possessions, and trying minimalism is just a big spotlight on how many you’ve got.

That being said, there’s even a second level of this same question, once you’ve gotten rid of all the unnecessary things, you start to realize that even things that you were convinced were necessary…are not. So this question bears repeating. “What is necessary? What do I actually need to live?” There may be a lot of things that you could easily cut out in order to live a simpler, lighter life.

Now, this isn’t to say that you should only keep things that you absolutely need. Maybe you want something but don’t need it, that’s fine, you’re allowed. Keep things that you like, buy things that you want, if you think they will benefit you and your life. But think it through if the benefit is actually worth it. Does this object bring value to your life, or is it mostly just slowing you down?

Do I use this, or am I just hoping to be the kind of person who will use it?

I think this is kind of an embarrassing realization, but one that many of us come to find after pursuing minimalism for a while. There are things that we buy and/or keep that deep down, we know we probably will never use. And it’s not our fault. We’re not lazy or stupid, or anything like that. It’s just that we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves.

Let’s give an example:

What I mean is, say that I’m really not that interested in yoga, for example. But everywhere I go, I see some beautiful, fit people gushing about how good it is for you and how great it makes them feel. I want to be like those people–they seem healthy and happy.

So I go out, I buy a yoga mat, and new, yoga friendly clothes, and some blocks, too, for good measure. Well, that’s all very exciting. On some level, I feel like I am closer to them now, because I bought these things that they have for this thing that they do that makes them seemingly so happy. (This is happening on the subconscious level. Consciously, I just feel excited. Like I’m building up to something.) There’s only one problem. When it comes down to it, I’m still not interested in yoga. So I never get around to signing up for a class or looking up flows on YouTube or asking these people to do yoga with me. The equipment just tends to sit there.

We wonder why we keep around all these things that we don’t use. Well, that feeling, that I mentioned before is still subconsciously intact, as long as we keep the items. It’s like a fake piece of identity. “At least I’m the kind of person who owns this kind of thing. That’s almost like being a yogi.” That’s what the subconscious says to us.

It’s worth tearing apart these fake notions of identity, even though on the surface, they may seem comforting. Because the fact is, they rip us apart, emotionally. You may have comfort on one level, because you feel reassured that you still “could” be/do that thing, but it also brings you a harsh reminder. That you didn’t do it. That you’re not that person. And you know what? Nobody needs that in their life. There’s no shame in not being as interested in something or having other priorities, other than the shame that you carry from it. So don’t sit around, hoping that you become someone else, feeling ashamed that you haven’t. Get rid of that stuff, so that you have room in your life for who and how you actually are!

What am I scared will happen if I get rid of this?

This final question is simple, but it’s almost universal. If you find yourself hesitant to get rid of something that you feel like you should get rid of, based on your experiences with minimalism already, it can be baffling. But just ask yourself, “What am I worried about?” Open up and be honest with yourself where your concerns are coming from, even if they sound silly when you say them out loud. The fact is, finding the answer to that question is the key to getting you “unstuck”.

Some of your answers will be easy to refute. When you find that out, it’s easy to move on from. And then other times, you have real and rational concerns, and those are just as important to uncover. You don’t have to get rid of anything. There will be things that may not seem very minimalist-y, that you want to keep. And that’s okay. The point of this is to get rid of what is excess for you. If that fancy garlic press really gets you excited and you couldn’t dream of parting with it, then don’t. That’s okay.

Becoming a minimalist

   As you can see, there are lots of questions to be asking yourself if you want to take a critical look at your possessions. And many more will come up along the way–this is by no means an extensive list. But “becoming a minimalist” is really just being open to these questions, examining them honestly, and being open to what the answers reveal to you.

When you realize how much you try to hold onto to your own detriment, you’ll realize that you might be making yourself a little bit miserable, and that that’s unnecessary. You’ll find the new freedoms and opportunities that come with shedding emotional baggage. And, side effect, your space will be a lot easier to clean. So if you want my advice, ask the questions. See if they make a minimalist out of you. And stick around for the next post, which will be the last in this small series. In it, we’ll talk about what happens after you’ve been a minimalist for a while.