We’ve talked about kindness before on this site. You can find that post here, if you’re interested. In it, I talked about how important kindness is, how much we really need it in this world, and how to go about living our lives in a kind way. But one thing was entirely left out of the equation. What about being kind…to yourself? That’s what we’re going to talk about today.
When we talk about how much the world needs kindness, we tend to think about people doing kind things for each other. And that’s lovely, really. But you deserve your own kindness. Remember that.
Self-love
Okay, so admittedly this concept is pretty intertwined with the idea of self love, which we’ve discussed quite a bit already. (Here, and here. Not to mention the discussion we also had about self confidence, here.) And I would definitely say that being kind to yourself is a good way of practicing self love, but I just can’t get on board with the idea that self love is the same as being kind to yourself. Self love is a regard for yourself, a respect, an enjoyment of who you are and willingness to take care of yourself. That being said, I don’t think you can get there without having a grasp on some form of “self-kindness”.
Kindness
Many times, it takes a kindness to remind us that we are indeed worth regarding. Kindness is not for the weak or lazy. It is for people who are strong enough to put in the effort–kindness is an action, every time. But if we really can make someone’s day (or in some cases, save a life) by being kind, how much do you think this world could be improved if we all decided, across the board, that we were deserving of our own kindness–and then proceeded to actually provide ourselves with it?
People don’t usually decide to be jerks on their own. Usually, it comes from a place of not having been shown general kindness, generosity, and care. And in these cases, when we are given maltreatment on a regular basis, we start to accept it. We think we deserve it. And moreover, we don’t consider compensating for it by extending kindness to ourselves. If we would be gentle with ourselves, prioritize our own sense of peace, rest, and fulfillment, we would often have the room and energy to share that blessing with others too.
How to be kind to yourself
Being kind is really just the art of observation. You take a person, you notice them and their struggles and their life and you ask yourself, “what would really make a difference for them?” And if you can do this for someone else (spoiler alert: you can), then you can learn to do it for yourself too.
Really give yourself that rest that you’ve been needing. Or if you know you’re doing your best, (if you don’t know what I’m referring to when I say that, you can check out an old post here about your personal best) reassure yourself that where you’re at is ok for now. Learn to take care of yourself by eating foods that nourish you and that you enjoy, and let yourself have nice things within your means.
Other than generally taking care of yourself and trying to be gentle with your own feelings, there’s a good tip I’ve found with people who have a hard time being kind to themselves. It’s simply this: you know that thing that you feel silly doing for yourself that you kinda like but don’t wanna do because if someone knew they might laugh at how much joy it brings you? Do that. Regularly. Unironically. Because you’re worth it. Treat yourself like a person you’re trying to newly date. You want to learn about them, and impress them, and see their smile, and make their day better. Be that person for yourself.
Is it really worth it?
When you can learn to be kind to yourself, you’ll find you have more energy and will to do that for others, as well as the skills to do so. You’ll live a happier, more fulfilled life, too. I’m not saying that when you learn to be kind to yourself, your life will be all sunshine and roses. But I am saying that every problem you have, you won’t be adding to it by being your own worst enemy, and feeling emotionally worn out before you’ve even started. Remember, you deserve your own kindness.
