In life, nothing is truly certain. Do these words fill you with dread and contempt? I know in the past, they have for me. The problem is, they’re just factually correct. As much as you can work hard and prepare for so many things in life, when you get down to it, nothing is truly a given. And that’s what I want to talk to you about today.
Disappointment
I think that learning to face disappointment is a part of growing up. The world hasn’t promised us anything, after all. So when we do make plans and expectations of life in general, we’re bound to be set up for some disappointment.
When it comes to this fact, there are two concrete ways of dealing with it in my book. Firstly, by managing your emotions after the fact. If you can let go more easily when things didn’t go your way, you will find that life is a lot easier in general. It can be difficult to learn how to let go of what was important to you. That being said, it is possible. And keeping in perspective that it’s something that already happened, (and you can’t change the past) that’s important. (If you’re looking for a more in-depth discussion about letting go, you can click here for that post.)
Try to focus what you have in the here and now, and move forward in the best way that you can. Doing this instead of still hanging onto what you didn’t get will help you emotionally, but also just in general. You’ll feel better making new plans (or hopes and dreams) that reflect the greater amount of information you have now. And you will be more likely to get a positive outcome in general. Because you can’t go back, right? But now you have a better picture of the reality in front of you, and that means you can better create within it.
Manage your expectations
Another way of dealing with disappointment is to manage your expectations and desires to begin with. This is a more proactive approach, to be sure. And it can definitely be taken too far, if you ask me. However, a healthy amount of appetite curbing could really help many of us. Now, I’ve already written a post about managing your expectations in conjunction with people. It’s a good read (and a short read), so I suggest you give it a look. (You can find that post here.)
But it’s not just about people. Inanimate objects, shiny opportunities, there is a whole host of things in your life that may not work out the way you want them to. And if you’re a passionate person who likes to daydream about how things will go, it’s upsetting when they don’t work out how you’ve imagined. You’re allowed to have these desires and fantasies though, as a person. So how do you balance this issue?
Well, I think it’s good to dream big. Aiming high is good for inspiring us. (If you want to read more about inspiration vs. motivation, give this a read.) But it’s also incredibly worthwhile to check in with yourself and ask, “is this realistic?” And if it is, “how likely am I to be able to get it?” Some of dreams pretty much just count on us continuing to put in the work. But other ones necessitate there being good opportunities, others who agree with us, or people who have that shared goal. And in these cases, it’s important to put in the work, too. But it’s also equally important to acknowledge that you can’t do it all on your own. And because of that, you may not be able to get it done at all. Knowing this is a good primer for both proper gratitude if you do achieve your goal as well as managing your disappointment if you don’t.
Uncertainty
The problem with acknowledging that you may not get what you want is that it creates this raging sense of uncertainty below the surface. As humans, even though we constantly navigate a world of uncertainty, we hate to feel it. In fact, many of us would rather not even work towards our dreams than face the possibility that we might work hard and not achieve them. We would rather have the certainty that we’re not making progress than possibly fall short.
We know deep down that nothing is promised to us. Anything could be taken away at any moment. But we’d like to think we’re living safe, insulated lives. And we’d rather be stagnant than do anything to disrupt that illusion. The problem is, it is an illusion. Nothing around us is guaranteed to be there tomorrow, whether we stay still or choose to grow.
I have been so scared of uncertainty in my life that I actively resisted change and growing. I was so scared of missing the mark and giving up what I thought I had. But the thing is, everything is transient. I was going to have to give up where I was no matter what. At some point, I just had to realize that I could either give up the present little by little, watching life slip away and pass me by, or I could give it up willingly, and embrace a new life in a different future. A future that I wasn’t yet aware of or able to understand.
Embrace change
The only way out of this strangling feeling of uncertainty is to truly embrace it. Not the feeling of strangulation, but the underlying facts. This, that, everything…is going to change. There is a sort of melancholy behind this, when you mourn the past for what you once had. But it’s not one sided. You can choose to see the beauty behind it too. Because there will always be something new to love, something new to experience and learn. And if you can hang on this next moment just right, then you can find a whole new way of being, a whole new life to love, and a whole new moment to remember tomorrow.
The way to fully embrace the changing nature of life is to be here, 100%, right now in this moment. (To learn more about mindfulness, check out my post about it right here.) If you’re able to be here now, you’re going to get the best out of this moment. You’re going to be able to see the direction you’re taking more clearly, and make better decisions based off of what you know and what you want. You’ll be able to enjoy what you’re experiencing more. And you’ll make beautiful memories of even the most mundane things.
The more that you do this, the more of these moments you’re able to string together, the more of a fulfilled life you’re going to be able to live. And the more you’ll fall in love with yourself, your life, and the world around you. It all starts right now, though. Don’t worry about your mindfulness practice tomorrow or next week. Just right now, be right here. You’ll be able to observe the things that are changing, developing, and falling away. And you’ll be able to see the beauty of it, too. If you can truly reach out, be here now, and relax into what you currently have.
