Today I want to talk to you about the idea of “doing your best”. It’s so problematic, because it’s so subjective. Some of us will make very little effort towards something, but then claim we did our best, because we know that people can’t technically argue with that. While still others use it as an excuse to judge themselves harshly for not being better at (insert whatever goal here) yet and burn themselves out in the process. So how are we supposed to find out what our real best is, and actually do it?
Laziness and burnout
I think it’s important to first, be able to identify what your best truly is. If you’re stopping short of something you had otherwise decided to do, try to listen to what your inner voice is saying. Is it saying, “I don’t wanna”? Then that might be laziness. Are you hesitating because you’re nervous or scared? Then, analyze that. If you have a good reason to be, then try reworking your path to the goal, so that you have the skills you need in order to achieve it. And if it’s just a bunch of internal screaming, well, then you may need a rest.
The truth is, pushing past our emotional capabilities can be a good or a bad thing. If we never pushed ourselves past what we knew we were already capable of, then we would never progress in anything. So you do need to be able to ascertain when you will be capable of making these leaps in skill. But also, if you make a habit of continually pushing yourself physically or emotionally, you’re going to come to a breaking point where you stop being effective. If you have nothing left to give…well, nothing more will come out. Or worse, you will take yourself in the opposite direction of where you’re trying to go. If you find yourself leaking negativity in this way, it’s time for a rest, emotionally, physically, or both. (A nap can sometimes be the most productive thing you can do.)
Doing your best
I realized a long time ago that I wasn’t always up to the task of presenting myself in the best light. Sometimes I make mistakes. Somedays I’m just not able to pull off what I did yesterday. I’m human. There’s no shame in that. The same goes with goals, skills, relationships–well, everything really. There are going to be bad days, just like there are going to be good days. And putting judgement on that simple fact will only bring you more of the bad days than you would have originally had. But after a while, I came up with a phrase that really spoke to me, and I use it to this day.
“The most of my best and the least of my worst.”
I used to think that if someone couldn’t handle me at my worst, then they didn’t deserve me at my best. And I used that as a subconscious excuse frequently, to rationalize being as unthoughtful as I felt like. I also went through a phase where no one could be allowed to see me at my worst, because I was afraid of being that vulnerable, that human. That wasn’t sustainable either. But as I grew up, I came to realize that I needed to both accept the bad days (or moments), and still try to do my best in the midst of them. I began to cultivate my life in ways that I was proud of, and to keep people around me that I knew cared about me, even if they were flawed too. I knew that I didn’t want to hurt them. But also, that bad days were inevitable. And I realized that this phrase meant more to me than most of the other ideas that came with recovery, mental mastery, coping skills, or goal setting. Because no matter what I’m doing or who I’m doing it with, I can always try to give it everything I can, without going into full resentment and burnout mode.
In practice
When it comes to this blog, all I can do is give it my best, and no more. With my personal development, the same thing. And I think today, this is a message we all need to hear. Because everyone should be empowered to come at life with passion and zeal. But we also need to give ourselves permission to take a step back and stop ourselves from making a mistake, to rest, to reflect. And if today your best just isn’t as good as it was yesterday, that’s okay. You can still try to give it the least of your worst. Don’t be ashamed to do that. Because it’s not all about action, all the time. Sometimes it’s just as much about what you don’t do, as what you do.
