I recently had an eye-opening conversation with a friend, about our worth as human beings. It led me to a very frightening realization, for a while. The realization being that…I really don’t know what we, as people, as individuals, are really worth, and why.
Over the years, I’ve often wondered the same thing. “Am I really worth anything, just on my own, being who I am?” And when I would bring this up to others, they’d always reply with, “well, of course you are! You have worth, you’re wonderful, just being you!” I guess that was comforting, in the moment. I got to breathe a sigh of relief, because someone else thought that I was worth something, and since I thought they were worth something, they must be right, I must be too. But that doesn’t really get at the mechanism of worth, does it?
Why are we worth something?
I’ve tried on different ideas of what makes somebody “worth something”. At first, I decided on the idea that Christianity was the governing idea behind the universe, and thus, since we were all God’s children, we were all worth something. And for you Christians, that may be enough, but once I left the faith, it wasn’t anymore, not for me. So I had to find another explanation.
Then I thought, maybe we were worth something if we were good people. Like, the more good you can put into the world, the more you’re worth. But what does it mean to even be a good person in the first place? (If you’re interested in this discussion, you can check out my post about being a good person here.) And in that case, does that mean that you have to put good into the world to be worth something? What if you just kinda live your life, then, are you nothing? Or if you’re a bad person, are you less than nothing? (And how would that even work?)
Maybe we’re worth something if we’re useful to others, or society as a whole? But that’s such a nuanced thing too, because being a help to one person is being a hindrance to someone who has opposite interests. So we’re spinning just as much as we were with the “good person” argument.
What are you worth?
I was taught to treat everyone with basic human respect. You strive for kindness, vaguely consider being nice and having manners, but always keep basic respect. And I think that gives me a jumping off point, at least logically. Because if everyone is deserving of respect, then so are you. You deserve your own basic human respect, even when you disappoint a whole lot of people, make a mistake or come up short. Even when you let yourself down. Which is easy to consider, logically, but harder to put into practice. So hard, in fact, that many of us call it self-love to just treat ourselves with the level of basic decency that we afford to others, for no other reason than that they exist. Why are we so critical of our own simple existence and humanity?
Maybe we are worth more if we can contribute, in a way. If we’re able to make society a better place, with our talents, skills, and abilities, or even just our kindness, then I would say we’re probably “worth more” to other people, especially ones we may not directly interact with. Striving to better yourself is a good thing, and should be encouraged and celebrated. But it doesn’t necessarily make you worth less if you haven’t reached the depths of self-mastery, because nobody can do so unfailingly, You’re human, and have your limitations, like anyone else.
What can I do?
You are worthy. Just being you. Not because of some floofy reason to make you feel better, but just by following your own likely logic. If other people are worthy simply because they exist, then so are you. You have a past that has only ever happened to you, a perspective that is all your own, and talents and abilities that come with it. You have a potential, you can bring to this earth what nobody else can, just by being you. Unwittingly, your knowledge, perspective or kindness can change or even save countless lives.
And even so, that drive within you, to do better, be better, etc, I think that’s a good thing. And if you can harness it right, it can take on a beautiful purpose of self-awareness, self-improvement, and yes, contribution. To your community, your family, or even the world at large, depending on who you are and what your calling is. You don’t have to stifle that voice and keep yourself small in order to respect yourself. You can recognize yourself as a small part of a greater whole, and still be content with who that is, and want to grow.
So no, I don’t really know if we have inherent worth, or why. But we should treat each other with kindness, and ourselves too. But maybe that’s not the real question. Maybe it’s really one of purpose, and belonging. Hone your skills. Be unapologetically you. Learn to be kind, to both others, and yourself. Because you are already worthy, and you can make this world a better place–as a leader, as a visionary, as someone who makes others feel like they are part of something.
