I’ve heard it said that the word “priorities” comes from a Latin word meaning “the thing that comes before anything else” (or something along those lines) and that originally, there wasn’t a word for “priorities”, plural. Which makes sense when you think about it, because if priority means “the thing that comes before anything else”, then obviously you can’t have more than one. But the way we use the term now is more like something that’s very important to you and how you’re currently living your life. Maybe more like a “value”, if we’re being specific with our words. And when it comes to values, it makes sense to have more than one, because building your life off of only one idea is at the very least, unlikely.
Values vs. Priorities
So when it comes to this idea of values vs. priorities, where do they differ? And where are they the same? I think that’s an important distinction. Both your values and priorities reflect the things that are important to you as an individual. People aren’t going to necessarily share your priorities or values, and that’s okay. When you find someone who does, it’s like a little extra bonus.
But I do think there’s a major difference in values and priorities. For me, it’s the action piece. Values, at least the way I understand them, seem to be idealistic constructions of things that are important or admirable to us. Just because you value something doesn’t mean you possess it. In fact, I think sometimes we value things because we don’t possess them. When it comes to priorities though, a priority is something that you value, but you also continue to put first “before anything else”. What I mean is, when it comes to you and how you live your life, you put work into it.
A priority is something you’re willing to sacrifice some other values for, something you put time aside for on a regular basis, because it’s important to you and you want to do what it takes to maintain it. It’s something you’re going to get up (or sit down) and do, even on the days when it may not seem so immediately pressing, because it’s important to you.
Priorities and life direction
For this reason, your priorities in life will choose your destiny. Well, in a way, at least. Where we end up in life is made up of the building blocks of how we spend our days. How we spend our days is just the culmination of how we spend our hours and minutes–the actions that we routinely do. Basically, our habits make up who we are, and who we become. Life may not give you luck, but if one of your values isn’t resiliency, then you’re not going to bounce back from that misfortune.
So if you prioritize family, for instance, and every day you work toward furthering your connection with your household, then you’re going to be the one that more likely knows why your wife is upset, when Jimmy’s basketball game is, etc. You’re more likely to have a closer family, because you put the research and effort into building that connection every single day. Remember, anything that’s worth having will take some work.
Hidden priorities
You might say, “I don’t have any priorities.” Well, I’d say you’re wrong. The truth is, some priorities are hidden. You have to really examine your life. Think about it, what does your regular day look like? What do you make sure gets done with barely a day off? These things can reveal our true priorities.
There’s nothing wrong with having hidden priorities. In fact, everyone does from time to time, before they notice their life is heading a new direction, for example. The problem is that sometimes these subconscious priorities don’t reflect our values as closely as we’d like.
For example, if your habit is to avoid any extra work, you may find yourself living a “lounging around only” existence. Maybe you work or go to school, etc. But when you come home, you never cook, do your homework, clean your area, or help your loves ones with anything when they’re struggling. If you notice this habit in you, it might feel uncomfortable, or sad. Like, “Why am I so lazy?!” You might get defensive and try to cover it up or not look at it. Either way, if you actually look at what it says about your priorities, you could discover a hidden one there. Maybe your hidden priority is “comfort” or “relaxation” or “ease”. Now that you know about that priority, you can try to work it out in a way that both fills your need and lets you present yourself in a better way to those around you.
What if I don’t like my priorities?
There’s going to be times when you realize that you have some hidden priorities that you don’t like. People usually think of this as “falling into bad habits”. And I can understand where they’re coming from, but I think that most of human behavior goes a littler deeper than “right thing hard, wrong thing easy”.
I’ve heard a great piece of advice when it comes to starting a new lifestyle and breaking bad habits, which is “know your why”. If I translate that into the language of our discussion, I would probably put it more like, “If you want to build a better life for yourself, you’re going to have to understand your underlying priorities and values that got you here to begin with. Then you need to identify what you value in this new life change/behavior change, and make that side louder than the first. After that, its easier to make it into a priority.”
Basically, you have to get to the root of why you want to change and what you value about being that person or having that thing, and get to the point where that value outweighs the old value of being comfortable, knowing what you’re doing, etc. Because changing your life for the better isn’t easy. But lasting positive change is worth it.
Examining your priorities
It’s important to have your life under an almost continual re-evaluation, and to be okay with that. Each day, life throws new things at you. Some of them change the direction you want to go in, some of them don’t. But if you don’t keep up with that stream of inner pull with ideas and feelings, it’ll sweep you up along with it.
You’ll still feel the feelings and think the thoughts as they come, but if you don’t try to piece them together, you can end up ugly crying about something you didn’t even know you were that upset about a minute ago, or making rash decisions based on thoughts and feelings that have built up with little to no preparation. I think we avoid this continual self-awareness, because honestly, it’s a little uncomfortable to feel things rising up inside you knowing it’s not time to make the big decision yet, but it’s important if you want to make it in a good way. You want a little understanding of what makes you tick. Why you’re going to do this, and how, and what your goal is.
And when it comes to the little moments in between the big decisions, it’s important to keep up with your priorities too. Because those little moments are the building blocks of your big decisions, but also you as a person. They make up your life, and your experience of it. To disregard your goals and values in the micro is to miss them in the macro. And if you have goals, the only thing worse than failing is not getting there because you decided night by night you’d rather watch Netflix (or whatever your vice is).
Living your best life
So get curious about yourself and ask the big questions. Who are you, and what do you want right now? What kind of life do you want to live, and are you willing to work for it? And then, do it. Let your days align with what you actually want. And if you realize your motivations are getting in the way of what you say you want, find out what’s behind that, and straighten it out. Nobody’s going to do it for you.
I hope this was a fun, but impactful reminder to be who you want to be, and who deep down inside, you truly are. You have to adjust your priorities now and again, and that’s okay as you grow and learn and age, because who you are is going to change. But having priorities…knowing what they are, and working towards them, this is what makes you unstoppable and brings you the life you’ve always dreamed of. So get up (or sit down) and get to it, building the life that you want, need, and deserve.
