I write this, coming to you from a place of caring. Not judging. I am not going to tell you how to live your life or what your priorities should be, because no one can determine that for you. All that being said though, there is a plague on our society today and I can’t let another day pass without addressing it.
Survival Instincts
Now in general, humans are a pretty straightforward species. We have evolved to want to survive, and that’s given us all sorts of instincts that guide us moment by moment through life. We avoid things that scare or bother us, because we’re wired that way. A part of our base settings tells us that that’s how we survive, and if we listen to it, in general, we’ve learned that we do just that–survive. I mean, it’s gotten us this far, right? Humans have learned how to survive and propagate our species pretty efficiently. And on a personal note, it’s largely gotten you to where you are today. So it seems like everything lines up, historically and within personal experience.
And I suppose as long as we are talking about survival long enough to have children, then that’s all good. But for me, and I would venture to say for most of us, that’s just not the goal of life anymore. We want to thrive, not just survive. And we certainly want to live past the evolutionary drive of having kids. Thing is, our instincts aren’t good for much else.
Not to mention, even if that’s all we wanted, our base instincts wouldn’t be good enough anyway. Not anymore. Modern life in modern society is based on so many different systems, we need to put learning into place just to exist as a human today. Our “survival instincts” are as good as irrelevant. In some cases, they’re even counterproductive to living harmoniously in society.
Modern life
So when we talk about modern society and living within it, it is very different from what our ancestors would have been living back in the days of the first humans. In fact, it’s pretty different than most of history, even in just these last hundred years or so.
Modern life moves pretty fast. We’re all running around, stressed out, without a break. We’ve become obsessed with convenience, quick returns, and universal continual access. We believe that we want what we want when we want it, which is always right now. And I don’t think it’s that we’ve become spoiled, either. We’re told that we’re special, that these demands are reasonable and that we unequivocally deserve them. And do we?
Maybe. I mean, each individual is special, after all. We all have the inherent human value of an individual, and that’s a pretty special thing. So if our demands are reasonable, then yes, I would say that we do deserve them, but that’s just it. I don’t think our demands are, in fact, reasonable.
It seems like as we’ve been introduced to modern conveniences and luxuries, we’ve lost a fair amount of perspective. Forget Instagram, we live in Insta-brains, expecting Insta-lives and Insta-results. But that’s unrealistic. We’ve forgotten as a society how unreasonable that idea really is.
A beautiful lie
We’re sold the idea of the quick fix from all directions. We want 30 day beach bodies and to be quickly fluent in a language for our vacation. We want the ultimate guide to home cooking downloaded in our heads and wash it down with an energy drink in order to flawlessly prepare home cooked meals right out of the gate. But please, does anyone see just how crazy this really is?
Now, we’re not stupid. But we believe the quick-fix lies because we want to. Hard work is, well, hard. And boring. Learning isn’t glamorous, but achievement is, right? So it can be easy to want to bypass all that boring and frustrating learning and struggle in favor of beelining straight to the supposedly wonderful endpoint.
I really don’t blame anyone for falling into this trap. But it is a trap. I think there’s an old saying that goes something like, “anything that’s worth having is worth working for” or waiting for. Like I said, something like that. And I think that sentiment really is true. If we want to really achieve something for ourselves, and we want to be able to keep it for any appreciable amount of time, we’re going to have to do the necessary growth in order to be the kind of person who can manage to maintain this dream of ours. Is anything really that wonderful if we lose it immediately after getting it? I mean, you wanted it for a reason. It’s probably not enough to enjoy one afternoon of living the dream only to lose it all hours later.
What is real progress?
I’ve learned that anything I want in order to improve myself requires a certain process. Firstly, mental. I can’t just think of it as “getting there” and then that’s it. No, what is really necessary is to change myself in order to align with this new goal. You want to adapt your life, your habits, and your brain to this new thing. You need to consider this goal a new addition to your life, or in many cases, a new life in itself. It’s so cliche to say “this isn’t a short term thing, it’s a lifestyle.” But it’s true. Or rather, in terms of living the dream, it’s going to have to be.
So once you’ve sustained the mental shift that you are changing your life in order to do this, you need to go all in. And by that I don’t mean exhaust yourself with your new ideas and efforts. Instead, I mean, get consistent. Figure out what place this new thing will take in your life and insert it there, firmly and repeatedly. It’ll probably be boring and annoying at first, but keep yourself accountable for this change and press on. The more you cement this into your daily life, the better sticking power it has. And if it’s stuck in your daily routine, after a while, you’ll get the desired results. It’s not about putting in crazy amount of effort all at once. It’s just the continued small efforts that will eventually bring you real results.
We really admire hard work, in a sense. We respect people with good work ethic and we think that if only we put enough oomph in something, we’ll get it faster and better than we would otherwise. But that’s just not sustainable if it’s not a continued effort. There are days when you’ll feel like putting in hours of practice and study into your goal, and I’m not telling you not to do that. But be sure to follow them up with days when you simply continue your smaller efforts, instead of tiring yourself out to the point where you have no physical or mental energy to spend on the subject anymore.
Short term pleasure
It’s really difficult to be able to defer our good feelings to the future instead of indulging in the present. First of all, instant gratification feels really good. Like, scary good. (Kind of like, “I just escaped being clawed to shreds by a lion” good. Or I guess, like “that burger was the best thing I’ve eaten in a long time” good.) And maybe the long term goal we’re reaching for is more of a chilled out, nebulous, “I feel better in my skin” kind of good. But future you will thank you.
And not only that, but delayed gratification is much more consistent. It may not be as dramatic, but it will last much longer, and it’s something you can build on. Whereas with instant gratification, as quick as you can get it, it’s gone. This can leave you feeling even worse than before, and chasing another high.
But I think the thing many of us struggle with is that it’s hard to dig ourselves out of the hole of instant gratification. Especially when we really don’t know how much better we’ll feel once we start implementing healthier routines. Some of us have been chasing ephemeral pleasure for as long as we can remember. Others of us, for whatever reason, really can’t imagine that not sabotaging ourselves would be that great.
Alternatives?
I get it. It’s hard to trust that these frustrating and seemingly futile efforts will amount to much in the future, especially when it seems like the whole world’s against you in trying to build a better life for yourself. But at some point, when you know that your wellbeing hangs in the balance, you have to just commit and accept that the results are going to be in the far off future. In general, you can see where short term gratification screws you over in the long term by simple observation. If you’re honest with yourself.
So I challenge you to take a good long look at yourself. Are you viewing your dreams and goals as short term hopes? Or are you really approaching your life with a sense of long-haul seriousness? As annoying as it may be, acknowledge that only one of those approaches will get you what you want. And finally, start implementing this mentality to your life wherever possible. To get what you want in life, be willing to work for it, wait for it, and maintain it, and then you will truly be living the dream.
