So it’s the end of the second week, and I have to admit, this challenge has been exhausting so far. I’m not giving in. I’m just saying. My awareness of myself and my inner responses is constantly on, and I feel like I’m always aware of whether I’m doing well, fighting my fears…or not. While I’m doing my best not to judge myself on the times when I fall short, knowing that I’m not succeeding in the moment is tiring. I’m starting to reframe the way I think about it- that this whole thing is a process, instead of a “challenge” per se. Or rather cementing in that it is me who is doing the challenging, not some external force. Because I could live in fear my whole life if I wanted. I just don’t.
Progress
And the longer I stick with this, the more I’m seeing opportunities to face my fears everywhere, big and small. It’s amazing how many opportunities there are to realign yourself with your goals, when that is your focus and intention. Things just keep popping up in my face. Instead of viewing them as a straight out threat, I’ve been noticing my perception of them change. Almost like a game. Like, “It’s time to try and level up again”.
And with that mindset shift I’ve been noticing a shift in my initial response to most of my fears. It used to be that I would feel the fear and just flee- mentally, emotionally, or even physically. (Yup, I’ve physically run away from many things in my life. Very dramatic, I know. But I was actually that scared of a lot of things.) I’ve noticed an emerging response where I’ll just pause initially as I try to figure out what’s actually happening, what I’m scared of, and how important (or unimportant) this fear is. And most of the time, when I realize the dreaded worst-case scenario is incredibly unlikely, I am able to push past the fear and do whatever it is I need or want to do.
My Thoughts
I’m really proud of this development. It’s been really encouraging to me to see myself begin to grow in this way, and I hope to continue to see improvements. I think that as long as I stay with this intention of wanting to improve and empower my life, stay accountable to myself, and stay curious about what’s going on with me underneath the surface, I should be able to keep getting better.
I’m looking forward to the day where I don’t feel that I’m a scared person anymore. Fear has played such a big, limiting role in my life. And I want to start being the full person I am inside. The one with a passion for life, and a curiosity of the world around me. I’ve never been a big risk taker, and I don’t think I ever will be. I like taking a more grounded approach to big decisions and life changes. I don’t have any grand ideas of changing who I am at my core. But I do want to live my life to the fullest, in my own way. Showing my own authentic colors, and pursuing what my heart tells me to. And I think, eventually, I will be able to do that consistently. Because it’s a really beautiful world out there, guys. And while at times it can be dangerous, none of us get out of this life thing alive. So we had better make use of it.
To keep reading more about my fear challenge, you can click here to find the third week’s post.
