So I’ve taken up a new job. And I’m stocking shelves. I’m waist-high in boxes all day. Cutting them open, taking things out, breaking them down, filling them, hauling them. And after too many boxes, too many to count, I catch on a thought that just won’t go away. Boxes all have a lean.
What I mean by that is once you take the box apart, it will lay flat easier in one folding direction than another. Every box has its lean. And as humans, we’re really no different. We all have a sort of set point. A standard that we continually go back to, a comfort zone that we consider normal.
How we got here
We get these set points from all over. Some people inherit genes that make them more susceptible to mental or physical illnesses, for example. These are things that we can’t control.
You may inherit a mental illness, or a predisposition for heart disease or cancer. Or it may even be something as “insignificant” as a body type you don’t like.
Now, nobody’s genes are so superior that they have no family history of disease or dis-ease. But these are things that we can become factually aware of, and learn about, in order to prepare for. These genetic predispositions can and should inform our self care regimes on a regular basis. We can prepare for, mitigate and in some cases even prevent bad situations.
Nurture (vs nature)
Then there are some things that you don’t inherit genetically but you pick up along the way. Things like bad habits or low self esteem. Negative scripts in your head that don’t serve you. These are things that you can’t help but dealing with too. You had no way to prevent them, and admittedly, we all are a product of our environments to some extent.
It’s these sorts of predispositions that evolve over time—both our awareness of them and our solutions to them. We learn these things about ourselves as we go along, and they can be very surprising to discover.
We may even feel a sense of relief when we figure out where our patterns originated. Not because we are finally free from them, but rather because they finally make sense. There’s something so empowering about finally understanding your own “madness”. You finally have an explanation for why you act the way you do, and a gateway into being able to change it.
It is with these sorts of limiting beliefs and habits that we talk about the long journey of knowing and loving ourselves. There is a lifelong journey here, and it is beautiful.
Our own decisions
Now, we can’t control what our predispositions are, that’s true. And we shouldn’t ever expect ourselves to be someone we’re not. However, life isn’t always just a matter of accepting your status quo and never wanting anything better for yourself.
It’s important that we examine who we are, and get honest with ourselves about the parts that we play in our own struggles. For example, if you have a physical illness that runs in your family, but don’t take care of your health, then getting that disease is a near certainty. Yes, it’s genetic, but you also did your part.
It’s easy for a lot of us to get complacent about our misfortunes. We start mental scripts that excuse suffering as our lot in life, even when we could have put more effort into avoiding it. And this is exactly what you don’t want to do.
There isn’t always something you can do to avoid a problem later down the line. And even if there is, you’re not always aware of it in advance. We’re human, we make mistakes, and sometimes we act out of ignorance. It’s understandable.
But if you anticipate being at risk for something, or you know you have a certain inclination, it’s in your best interest to combat it where necessary, and prepare for it in any case. If you fail to do so, well, that’s on you.
A personal example
Let’s take something from my own life. I’m a procrastinator. I put things off like a champ. I know my problem is that I get so nervous that maybe I’ll do it wrong, make a mistake, or embarrass myself. I worry that if I (take xyz action) then I might ruin everything, even the little that I have done now. And this is a mental battle I fight continually.
Or I put things off because I’m lazy. Or tired. Or I think it will take too long. I have a whole list of reasons and excuses not to do things, and I know this to be one of my own personal tendencies. So in order to combat this, I have to talk myself into doing certain tasks, or do them as soon as I think of it before I can psych myself out.
I’ve had some success with this, and I know you could too. You’ve lived with yourself for years, so you know yourself pretty well. What are your faults that you’re trying to overcome? Establish your mental sticking points, and brainstorm what it would take for you to overcome them.
Sometimes visualizing a positive result helps. Some people have better luck reasoning with themselves or establishing an accountability partner or professional, but the point is, there are many approaches you can use in order to hold yourself accountable for taking care of business in the areas you know yourself to be lacking as a person. It’s okay to work on yourself and hold yourself responsible for the life you are living.
Set points and others
Now, you’re not the only one with bad habits and predispositions. Everyone has them. Your mother, mentors, and friends. Even those people who seem so perfect in your eyes. They have shortcomings, and in some ways they’ve been given the short end of the stick too.
It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others, and be upset when we measure up poorly. But remember, you set the measuring standards. You may be insecure about your looks, but that person you’re so jealous had their own set of invisible challenges and shortcomings to deal with that they may be insecure about.
We’ve built such a culture of idolization of the people around us. We all seem to think we’re irredeemable screw-ups and everyone else is walking around blissed our their whole lives but that’s just not true. We can never truly see what a person is dealing with at any given moment, which is what makes it so easy to feel like we are behind or falling short.
But seriously, don’t idolize people. Nobody is so great they are above reproach, and certainly, nobody’s life is without a set of challenges. It’s important to walk your path, own your stuff, and not get too hung up on what other people seem to be achieving. Because you can never really know.
Main message
So what’s the point here? Well, what I’m trying to say is that you’re not any worse than anyone else for your shortcomings. We all have different battles we deal with, and it is our personal responsibility to take care of ourselves the best we can in order to be a happy, functioning human being.
The best thing we can do for this world is to be kind to one another, to come from a place of authenticity and to truly strive to make this world and ourselves better in all that we do. And we won’t get there by getting down on ourselves about our poor hand in life, or telling ourselves that others are better than us because they’re prettier or fitter or more spiritual or whatever.
Be you. Be awesome, funny, wild and crazy you. Don’t try to do what you “should do”, but rather what you long to do. Better yourself because you feel the call, not because you don’t want to disappoint your parents. And take care of yourself and your life, so that you will be here, on this earth, for a good, long time.
I love this!! You need to uplift people before you can be yourself 🙂