I’ve been considering the idea of balance quite a bit lately. Both in regard to my own life, and also as a broad concept. I think it’s interesting, because most people I’ve talked to resonate with this idea of balance very strongly. We think that if only we could get everything in balance, our lives would be fun, satisfying, and harmonious. In a word, perfect. Finally. And if so many of us have this idea, then maybe there is something to it. So why do we seem to struggle so much?
What is balance really?
I would venture to say that we struggle finding balance universally because largely, we have a problem identifying what is really is. Kind of like those advertisements that tell us that (insert any junk food item they’re trying to sell here) can be considered part of a healthy, balanced diet. Yes, they’re technically correct. Any singular thing can be fit into an overall balanced approach. But it tends to give us a skewed view of what a balanced diet really is, when we look at all of the ads we get promoting various junk foods in a day. If we listened to all of that noise blindly, we might get the idea that a normal balanced diet has room for slushies, doughnuts, hot dogs, candy, pizza, and any number of sodas or energy drinks, all in one day. And I don’t think I have to tell you that that won’t lead to optimal health, right?
Well, balance, as an overall concept, is kind of the same picture. We have all these different points of view, and we need to see how (and if) they all can fit together as one cohesive whole. And often enough, they can’t. You won’t be able to do everything you could ever want in a single day. In fact, many people don’t get to do everything they’ve ever wanted in a single life. We need to learn how to truly fit different scenarios and desires into our fluid and yet finite lives.
Another misconception we have about balance is that we think it involves equivalences. Like, if you have the same amount of work as you do rest, that’s a balance. And that’s just not true either. In fact, most of the time, we’ll need to choose one thing to prioritize over the other, due to our needs in general and at the time. It’s near impossible to prioritize both sides of the coin. And even if we were to find a way to do so chronically, we wouldn’t get to experience the many nuances that life has to offer.
So how do I find balance?
The key to truly finding a balance in your current life is by assessing your personal position right now. You need to know where you’re coming from, where you’re hoping to go, and with that perspective, you can ascertain your current needs. This is the only true way to make your way through any situation in this world, be that a career setback, new relationship, or personal improvements. You need to take a bigger picture look at things, in order to determine the present moment in front of you, and see how it gels with your feelings and intuition. (If it seems like your feelings are getting in the way of your goals, then there are some extra steps necessary for you. These include self care, mental mastery, and taking a good honest look at yourself to see if they’re coming from a good healthy place or not.)
But I think where people tend to get lost is that this approach, while objectively true for everyone, is so broad. It’s hard to get your bearings and get started when you just frankly don’t know where to start. And to an extent, that’s something no one can tell you. It’s up to you to determine where your life is off balance, and what you want to aim at. I do, however, want to throw out an idea for you to at least get the ball rolling.
Yeses and Nos
A while back, I was introduced to the idea of saying no. I knew what it was as a concept, but in a more realistic sense, I didn’t know anything about it. But I was really missing out, because saying no, and learning to do so from a genuine place without feeling guilty is immensely important to your wellbeing. When we learn to say no, we are able to better focus on the things that are important to us, emotionally, logistically, and ideologically.
Saying no to the things that we don’t want, don’t need, and don’t feel are in our best interests is one of the best things you can do to grow up real fast. Everyone has the power to say no and take control of their lives, to the best of their ability. Even if you end up cutting a lot of stuff out of your life and it feels kind of empty for a while, that’s okay. If most of your life is negatively effecting your mental, physical, or emotional health, it’s better to have your path clear for new things to come in.
There’s also the perspective of saying yes to things, which I had brought to my attention about a year or two ago. I realized that I had gotten pretty good at saying no to things I didn’t want or need, but maybe it had become a knee-jerk response. This was alright for a while, as it gave me time to rest and mentally put myself back together, but I found myself in a sort of slump. I felt stagnant and bored, with myself and my decisions. In short, I wasn’t letting life in the way I could.
That’s when I realized the necessity of a balance between the response “yes” and “no”. So I began accepting more social invitations I would have declined, and started trying to add new hobbies, activities, and ideas into my life. I realized that all the space I had carved out could be used for something meaningful.
I think this is the flow and balance we are all looking for. We need “No” to cut out the crap and distractions that hold us back from what we’re trying to achieve, and we need “Yes” to open us up to new perspectives and opportunities. One without the other gets us into a less-than-ideal place. And having mastery of neither will bring disaster. It is up to us to be the curators of our lives, since no one else can do it for us.
Conclusions
I want you to really allow your mind to absorb this concept of saying yes or no to propositions, especially if this is your first time pondering it. And let your mind go where it goes, because that is your best clue to figuring out what the next step you should take in your life. Nobody else can tell you what you “should” do, but you know it very well, if you let yourself open up to the idea. This thought of yours, I want you to take it seriously, and attack it from all directions, until you conquer it.
We all have this inner voice that really does tell us what we want to be getting out of our lives. When we allow ourselves to open up to it and follow what it’s telling us to do, our lives become much more satisfying to exist in, because we are honoring ourselves and making the strides we want to see ourselves making in our journey. This brings us lasting self-esteem that it takes to propel us into our new projects, and the next chapters of our lives.
Your personal balance
So what do you need to start saying yes to, in order to expand your experience of the world? And what do you need to start saying no to, so that you can refine your narrative and really pinpoint your focus on what is most important to you? These things, while they take bravery and perseverance, will bring you the life that you’re looking to live. And they will also produce the memories that will be the most fun to look back on. The tales of triumph and transformation.
I know that many people seem to have qualms with the idea of listening to your intuition. Especially when it comes to big ideas such as changing your life for the better. But I think that when you get good at discerning what concepts are for own good, and differentiating between your surface feelings, and your deep, mature, inner wisdom, you’re well on the path to living the kind of life that everyone dreams of. A life of purpose and fulfillment. And with these gifts of discernment, I think that you can’t afford not to take your intuition seriously. If you do, you risk regretting so much. And all in the name of “rational thought”, which often isn’t rational so much as panickingly pessimistic. You need to believe that you know where you want to go, in order to uncover where that is.
