I’ve written about eating disorders before. You can find that discussion by clicking here. But today I’d like to address this misconception that we have about them, which is what they look like.
It’s really common when the term “eating disorder” is mentioned, that you have the cliché picture in your head of a rich, white, adolescent female who is skinny and doesn’t have a thought in her pretty little head other than her looks. And I want to dispel this myth in so many different ways because the truth is, none of those things are universally true.
Are eating disorders for teenagers?
Unhealthy relationships with food start off quite subtly. There may be seeds planted in childhood, or maybe by a toxic relationship later on. Sometimes there isn’t even a specific trigger to point to the origin of the disorder, but all of these things can effect the timing of the eating disorder’s onset. This, by extension, also influences the age of the sufferer.
And in many cases, that isn’t the only age defining factor. Often, even when someone develops eating disorders in younger years, they may suffer in silence, afraid to get help. In this case, eating disorders will fester, develop, and shift through time. Not to mention that even those who get professional help have the possibility for relapse. Remember that recovery is not linear, and some of these propensities are things to monitor for life.
Many people do develop the beginnings of their unhealthy attitudes towards food in their younger years. As they start to have greater pressures to achieve certain things in their lives, and greater need for control, a lot of people maintain a lack of healthy coping mechanisms to deal with these new needs and stressors. So they do more often turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms during the transition, at least until they learn better ones.
All this being said, there really is no way to say that most eating disorder sufferers are teenagers, or to assume that someone can age out of their unhealthy relationship with food. To get a healthier food mentality, you need to build one, regardless of age.
Skinny people are anorexics, everyone else must be fine
The next is an even more prevalent misconception. This is the idea that an eating disorder translates into the infamous size zero. And I can see where it comes from. Most of the eating disorders that people know about are variations of voluntary starvation, and so people assume that anyone struggling would be thin. They also think that just by seeing someone skinny, they can assume they have an eating disorder.
This idea is false on both fronts. Firstly, there are many factors that may contribute to a person’s weight, such as genetics, illness, and environmental influences. Sometimes a person’s BMI will not match their mindset. So even a person of a healthy weight may have a very unhealthy outlook on food. Eating disorders after all, are a disease of the mind. Although there are bodily symptoms, that’s all they are—symptoms. Symptoms of an off-kilter mind.
Also, there are different sorts of eating disorders, and not all of them involve deprivation or starvation. There are things like binge eating disorder or chronic overeating disorder, which when carried out for years on end are also deadly and often lead to the opposite body type of the stereotypical, skeletal anorexic. Yet people with these disorders tend to be misunderstood by society. They are made fun of or said to lack willpower, instead of being recognized as addicts with a problem.
The fact is, you don’t know someone’s story just by looking at their extra pounds, or lack thereof. And even if you see someone with an unhealthy weight, you don’t know where they started out. Someone might have the “opposite” eating disorder you would guess. The fact is, you just can’t know. If someone admits to having an eating disorder, you don’t get to decide they don’t because of their body type. It’s hard enough to admit to having a problem without having your support system discredit you at every turn.
Eating disorders are first world problems
It’s easy to look at the media’s portrayal of eating disorders and come to the conclusion that some rich, privileged folks (probably white, let’s be honest) hold the monopoly on eating disorders because they don’t have any real problems. How could anyone choose to starve if they already didn’t know where their next meal was coming from? And with so many people with limited access to food in this world, how could you be so ungrateful if you weren’t some out of touch rich person?
But it’s not just wealthy people that get eating disorders. Just as there are many different types of eating disorders, they also can develop from very different circumstances. It’s true that some rich suburban white girls might be on an expensive, anorexic, vegetables only diet. But there are anorexics out there who just flat out don’t eat because they want their families to eat the limited food instead, or to take this on as a learned response from their past.
And some sufferers report bingeing on food as a way to more cheaply escape the stresses of poverty. Some will hoard food out of fear that they may never eat again. Although these sorts of unhealthy food relationships are not nearly as glamorized or publicized, they exist too and are just as life-sucking.
You cannot assume that someone struggling with an eating disorder has a large household income. When things like this get assumed instead of asked, treatment and moral support can become extremely compromised.
Eating disorders are vanity issues
Although the disease may look vain on the outside, even the base motivations often go far beyond that. (Especially when we get into the subconscious reasoning.)
When people with eating disorders have their personalities analyzed, it has been found that instead of being exceptionally vain, the more defining characteristic (and warning sign) is a sense of perfectionism and need for control. You’ll find that these people more frequently are the overachievers in school, and the ones who really want to make something of their lives.
It has also been found that these people are often more emotionally sensitive than their peers. They feel things very deeply and personally, including, at times, the emotional responses of others.
People don’t develop eating disorders to simply be the most attractive person in the room. They develop them to cope with stressors, to be the most “worthy” person in the room, to be liked, or even to stop being a burden to others, emotionally or physically. What we think of as a hopeless vanity actually comes out to be more like a frenzied wanting to be enough for the love and respect of others, and most of all, themselves.
Men don’t get eating disorders
Another blind spot in the mental health world is men who suffer, and eating disorders are no different. Yes, men also suffer, and in ways that are just as bad as women.
There is a lot of pressure in society these days surrounding a woman’s body. What she should look like, how much she should weigh, and where the curves should be on her body. We photoshop most, if not all of the models that appear in advertisements and compare everyday women walking down the street to celebrities with full time entourages of personal chefs, private trainers, and plastic surgeons. It is absolutely absurd.
For all of that commotion, it does exist for men too. It’s just not as publicly obvious and criticized. Not to mention the fact that there are other reasons to develop eating disorders. Even more so, men are encouraged not to talk about their feelings, and often instead begin bottling things up. This is a breeding ground for all sorts of unhealthy behaviors, eating disorders included.
Men tend to have harder times getting accurate diagnoses and sufficient treatment when they suffer from eating disorders, because of the vast public perception of this as a lady’s problem. And often when they go to their loved ones for support, they are either brushed off or even laughed at. But men with unhealthy relationships with food are just as worrying as women. People of all genders should be taken seriously when they ask for help.
An eating disorder is a bad habit, not a mental illness
Yet again, we come up with a criticism of mainstream media, but I feel it is partially responsible for the misunderstanding of what an eating disorder actually is. Even worse, eating disorders are often glamorized.
Think of the iconic scene of the skinny white girl standing in front of the mirror in low light with a pained expression, feeling so artfully guilty about the 246 calories she’s eaten today. See, you don’t know specifically what I’m referencing but you know you’ve seen it before.
But eating disorders are not beautiful. Eating disorders are fear and shame surrounding a huge, and normal part of everyday life. They’re a constant isolation from loved ones due to the embarrassment you feel both towards your body, and your habits you use to keep your life in check. And they’re the sheer terror of having your own organs and body systems shut down on you one by one, feeling powerless to stop your own actions.
Not only are they not beautiful, but they’re not simply behavior driven! Have you ever talked to an eating disorder sufferer and said, “if you would just stop, you could be healthy again”? There’s a reason why it’s not that simple. A person with an established eating disorder is a person who has a mind full of tangled, hateful thoughts toward themselves. Establishing healthy eating habits is like trying to bushwhack through the jungle for sixteen hours a day. Possible, but exhausting.
And getting your thoughts and feelings untangled proves to be an even messier process. Essentially, what you have is a person who has been convinced, over many years, to hate and distrust themselves. This is a disheartening realization and an absolute mess to try and sort out, not to mention escape from.
Although recovering from an eating disorder is not impossible, it is also not easy or simple. You have to undergo a tremendous amount of inner work. Overall what is needed of you is to completely re-write your brain, in order for you to live a healthy, functioning life. This is the immense task that eating disorder sufferers are asked to take on when they recover. It is a long process, and they need to be prepared to leave behind their whole life. Habits, feelings, comforts, thoughts, all of it. They need to come to the terms with the fact that they’ve often built a whole false identity around their illness, and their external and internal lies. These sorts of things are enormous concepts, and not easy to leave behind.
Please have compassion
I wrote this post in hopes that I would be able to raise awareness to some of the misconceptions that come with eating disorders that people often have. I wanted to try to extend my reach as far as I could so maybe someone who didn’t understand might read it, and realize they were wrong.
The fact is that these misconceptions and blatant lies that we hear about eating disorders can really hurt, and in some cases, keep people from getting the help they need.
Mainly, what I’m hoping people get out of this is to have compassion for those that are struggling, especially with things that you don’t understand. (Whether that be an eating disorder or some other issue that you don’t relate to.) Asking questions and listening instead of making statements and interrupting is always a good place to start with being a good friend or support person, and don’t ever try to tell someone else what their experience is. You will look like a jerk and it won’t help them.
My arms can only reach so far with this message, and I will promote it until I’m blue in the face, but I need your help. If you know anyone who has an eating disorder or is affected by one in any way, please share this post with them so that they know about these misconceptions. It’s important for sufferers to know that even if they don’t tick all of the stereotypical boxes, they’re not alone and their experiences are still valid. And it’s important for support people too, to understand that there is no one way for an eating disorder to look. Or for that matter, for recovery to look. Thank you so much for reading, be well.
