I recently wrote about goodbyes on this blog, and now I want to come full circle into new beginnings. It is my belief that these things go hand in hand, and thank goodness they do. It’s part of what gives life its continuity, and what bring us hope in the hard times.
That being said, new beginnings aren’t without their own set of challenges. So I want to speak to that a little bit. And for anyone who is amidst a new beginning or considering one, I’d like to give you some food for thought.
Goodbyes and hellos go hand in hand
So I addressed this in my post about goodbyes and we just touched on it in the intro, but I want to point it out again. Starting something new means saying goodbye to an old part of your existence, whether you realize it or not. Sometimes there’s a lot of baggage to clear out from your past. And that’s okay, everybody has some. But it’s important to realize it and take the proper precautions to deal with this inner turmoil.
There are two reasons for this. One, nobody wants to hear about your past, for the most part. Certainly, some past experiences are relevant and good to use as personal reference points. But for the most part, it’s annoying to keep hearing someone constantly compare what they have now to what they once had.
I’m reminded of that old kids show, “The Magic School Bus”, where there was a character who would always talk about her old school. While I’m sure she had a lot of good friends, classes, and teachers there, people got tired of hearing about it. The audience did too. In fact, it was supposed to make you annoyed—that’s how it was written. So don’t be that person.
How we drag our baggage along
The other part of truly saying goodbye to the most recent chapter of your life is for your personal benefit. If you were wronged in the past, it isn’t inevitable that you will experience it again. You may worry and complain and continue to hurt over it, but if you’ve got out, then do your best to be here now. We let the past keep hurting us, after it’s all done. We don’t need to forget who we were and all our experiences, but we also don’t need to replay them every day of our lives. In fact, it’s just agonizing. Masochistic, even.
You don’t want to keep hurting from your old wounds and mistakes. Let yourself be new. If you only bring up your sore points from the past, your past unhappiness will get dragged into the present. And it will overshadow any satisfaction that you stood a chance of having! So please, do yourself a favor and commit to truly saying goodbye to your past.
Let it be new
This segues nicely into my next point. Your new opportunity is new! It’s wide open, a page waiting to be filled. You don’t have to judge your situation right away. Be open to experiencing it fully and dynamically before making a judgement.
There are so many new hopes and desires that may be fulfilled with this new opportunity, especially when you walk into it with open eyes. Instead of starting a new opportunity looking for something, try just looking around. Keep your eyes and ears open for interesting details, and suspend your judgement for a while.
Sometimes, in all of our anxiousness over being in a new place, we rush to catalogue every single nook and cranny. It’s an honest mistake. We just want to feel like we have our bearings, but it isn’t always the best approach. In all your haste to feel like you know your surroundings, you may be pigeonholing this broader experience into something less than ideal. I’m sure we’ve all heard the tired cliché “try new things!” and if I tell you that you will roll your eyes. So I won’t say it.
I do, however, want you to look at this new opportunity as a more wide-open thing. Loosen up. Maybe do something out of the ordinary for you. Let yourself be more fluid, or even remade to an extent. This is the way to fully embrace your new life, and see how you fit within it.
Ask the questions
Now when I say suspend your judgement, I do not mean to advise you to ignore your concerns. On the contrary. Any new situation is going to come with a fair amount of workshopping. Both to work out the logistics, but also to personalize and familiarize.
Each little detail, though outlined, is a partial question, and it’s good to get curious about the specifics. Learn the facts, learn all that you can. And if you wonder about something, don’t feel bad about speaking up and asking the question. Anyone who makes you feel small for asking a question would do the same if you made a mistake, so you’re not making any ground that way.
Get really curious on the inner workings of things while you’re new, in order to get the clearest possible picture. Ask many different people with differing perspectives, and stay interested and engaged. Try not to get too full of yourself, feeling that you know the answer quickly. Although you may be a quick learner, if you are new, you still have a lot to learn from those who have come first. Be open to listening!
Don’t be afraid if the immediate answer to a question you’re given is, “I don’t know”. Work to move beyond that by getting new perspectives and being teachable. The key is to get as diverse of a sample of information you can so you have more to think about and mentally digest. This can take longer than hearing one piece of information and sticking with it, but the payoff makes it worth it.
Getting your bearings
Okay, so for all of this article, you might have been feeling a bit impatient. I don’t blame you. I’ve been suggesting a lot of preparation, holding yourself back and such. You want to just jump in and be in your new life already!
And to that, I say good for you! I admire your zest for life! It’s energy and passion that bring us into so many exciting opportunities in life, and I would never want to dampen that impulse in anyone. So how do you go about gathering information and just finally getting into your new groove? Well, I have a few pointers.
Make one new friend
Or eighteen. I say one, but I mean at least one friend. It doesn’t have to be a deep connection, but it should be a genuine one. When you meet people, make a point of learning their name and being genuinely interested in getting to know them. Try to figure out what their interests are, and bond with them over at least one small thing.
The aim here is to feel more at home in your new surroundings. It always helps to have a friendly face to smile at when you’re feeling uncertain. Human beings are social animals, after all. And you know that building community and connections wherever you’re at will help you, as well as the others you interact with.
For you introverts and socially anxious, I do say and mean literally one person. It helps to have a small but doable goal instead of feeling like you have to take on the world to be successful. Make a point of introducing yourself to at least one person and get to know them. It will help you feel more comfortable in the long term, believe me.
Find landmarks
When I say landmarks, I do mean it in a broader sense. It also applies if you are starting a new chapter of you life in a new geographical location.
Essentially, what I’m trying to say is, try to get a mental map going of the new concepts you’re trying to integrate into your life. You want to have a better sense of your surroundings, whether it’s spatially, how you spend your time, or in any other way.
You want to take time to make mental notes of simple factual oddities. Even if you only do this to get acquainted with your new transition, it will help you. That being said, you never know when a mental marker will come in handy. So make a point of being attentive whenever possible, and filing details away, “for later use”.
Regularly organize your thoughts
If you’re starting out in a new place of your life narrative, there are going to be some bumps in the road. Or in your mind, actually. And it’s very helpful to spend a little time each day reflecting on that and taking stock of it where possible.
There are lots of ways of doing this. Some people like to just think through their day on their commute home or by talking it over with a loved one. There’s also journaling and using a planner or agenda. You may even like making lists of to-do’s, ongoing challenges, questions you have, etc.
The point is, you want to acknowledge your observations, concerns and questions on the regular. This will help you process your thoughts, make a quicker transition, and honestly, help you feel and seem more put together. You will be able to figure more things out on your own, and feel confident about your conclusions and actions because you know that you thought them through to the best of your ability.
Establish point people
Another good approach to take regarding any new situation is to find your point people. I love the term point people, because it’s ambiguous enough to be anyone, but it gets a point across. (No pun intended.)
Point people are those that you have established to be trustworthy, respectable people that are good sources of information. At a new school, it might be a specific staff member. At a new job, it may be a particular supervisor. In a new city, it might be a committee, a neighbor, or your landlord.
The key is that you trust this person, you feel that they respect you, and they are knowledgeable in the subject you’re looking to find more about. You may want multiple point people, or be fine with one. Either way, it’s good to know where you can reliably take your questions and concerns. This will help you feel more comfortable in your surroundings, and help you merge into your new group more seamlessly.
Be sure to pick someone friendly enough and comfortable with answering questions. Not everyone who knows about something is a good point person—some people prefer to be left alone. However, a lot of people like helping out others. It helps them feel more knowledgeable and they often end up learning more in the process. You just have to find the people with this mindset (I promise, they’re everywhere), and you’re golden.
Your new beginning
I want to say, congratulations on your new life chapter. Even if it isn’t what you had hoped or planned for, it can still be amazing. Sometimes we just need to look at things from a larger, more open perspective. In fact, sometimes the things we never thought we wanted at all can end up being the best lessons and experiences we never even hoped for.
I’m proud of you for opening your mind enough to see another version of yourself blooming. It can be exciting and scary, and immensely satisfying. In this new life, you can totally recreate yourself as you see fit. Even better, you can embrace the self you’ve always known you were more fully.
In life, we tend to take on new adventures so seriously. We tell ourselves we’re going to accomplish this and that, and we’re going to improve here and there. And I’m all for having goals, let me tell you. Our goals can point us in the direction of who we’re becoming. But in terms of new beginnings, we change our experiences as our experiences change us.
I want you to really let that sink in, because it’s important. We inform our experiences with who we are—the culmination of the things we’ve experienced and the decisions we’ve made. And in turn, our experiences make us. It’s for this reason that I don’t ask you to hold true to your roots so closely.
As you live this new life, you’re going to find yourself necessarily changing (and hopefully, growing). You’re inevitably going to slowly shift into a whole new person due to these new opportunities and experiences you’re bound to have. And that is wonderful!
This new chapter is a time for you to re-imagine yourself and who you expect yourself to be. You have every chance to uncover new nuances to your identity that you didn’t know you had. In fact, expect it. Embrace it. This new you can be a better one, a wiser one, a healthier, kinder one, than the one you’re leaving behind. No matter your circumstances, you can choose to grow through this, rather than go through it.
And let yourself be happy, excited, in awe. Let your jubilance be heard from far away, and burn in the intensity of your eyes. Take on this new adventure like it can only bring you growth and wisdom, and it surely will.
