Humanity is in an eternal struggle of planning for our future vs. yolo philosophy. (And I’ve written about this before—you can find that piece here.) Basically, it comes down a balanced approach in life. You want to plan for the future in order to move forward in time, but you also need to acknowledge your hopes and dreams in order to live a fulfilled life.
But there’s a time when you should never be balanced. Never ever try to wait for it to be convenient to express appreciation or love. That beautiful emotion is dangerous let stagnate. The danger, however, is not in what it becomes, but rather, what may never be.
Stressful implications
Life can be crazy, hectic, and sometimes, frankly, horrible. This has the ability to pare us down unfortunately. When you feel frazzled, it’s easy to let certain things fall by the wayside.
I’m not downplaying the effect that stress can have, or suggesting that you should simply “get over yourself”. I realize it’s not that simple. But there are amazing people and great things in your life—things that you would do well to pay attention to.
It’s such a cliché, but if you take others for granted, they will likely go somewhere else for companionship and advice. You can’t go on ignoring a friend or lover infinitely. Nobody likes being neglected, after all.
Even if they love you, everyone has their own desires and needs. And as we get older, we understand more and more that each of our social relationships encompass two individuals with equal needs. You don’t always have to cater to people. Just understand that your relationship with them is a two way street.
Loving people, loving life
Yet there is another angle—a selfish one. While it may also do others a fair amount of good, your love and appreciation for something or someone can and often does put you in an honest-to-goodness better mood.
By focusing on the things you love about life, your partner, your friends and co-workers, you will be happier. By voicing it, they will feel happier. And by seeing them happier, it can make you even more happy, and it’s really a cycle. The point is, sending love out really can bring you greater happiness and day to day satisfaction.
Even just committing to thinking about the positive aspects of your life and people around you can put you in a better mood. Amidst a conflict, if you are able to take a step back and remind yourself that you actually like this person who you are disagreeing with, it gives you perspective.
You’re less likely to run off the rails and say crazy things you don’t mean in the heat of the moment, because you can plainly see they are not your enemy. And you may even get less angry to begin with, remembering that you like and care about them outside this conflict.
With these things in mind, why do people hold in their appreciation and affections?
The excuses we tell ourselves
Sometimes we think of something quite flattering to say to someone, but then we hesitate. “They’ve probably heard this a million times. I don’t want to bother them. What if they think it’s silly?”
I get it, it’s hard to put ourselves out there. And some people really do have a hard time taking compliments graciously. I want you to know that if someone shamed you for giving a compliment, that says something about them, not you. Words of kindness show your kindness, and nothing else. And yet it seems to be these people who need the compliments the most (even if they would never admit it).
When appropriate, give that compliment! It can make someone’s day, change their negative opinions about themselves and sometimes even a negative opinion about you. Bonus points if the compliment is about something other than their clothes and appearance.
How to give a great compliment
We all like hearing people say nice things about us. Even if it’s just the “nice shirt, great hair” variety. But if you want to go above and beyond, how can you give a really beautiful statement to someone that will make their day?
I’m not going to lie, it’s a little bit of work. But when you see the grins on people’s faces, it’s so worth it. The trick is to get to know them a little bit. It doesn’t have to be deep and intimate kind of knowing—you know your co-workers well enough, and most of your acquaintances too.
You want to find out their values and goals—what do they strive for in their lives, what’s important to them? When you find out what they value and work hard to cultivate in themselves, tell them that it is such an amazing trait and watch them really smile. This is because it feels really good to be truly seen and recognized. When someone compliments you on something you work really hard on, it is deeply rewarding.
A more personal interaction
It’s not just about strangers and acquaintances. Our loved ones need some TLC too. Still, there are some people who don’t tell their partners that they love them everyday. When we take time to reflect on that, isn’t it crazy?
When you’re close to someone, you get under each other’s skin sometimes. Not every day is a good day, and you don’t catch each other on a bad day so much as you get dragged through the mud with them when they’re struggling.
Patience wears short sometimes, it’s a fact of life. But during those stressful Tuesday nights and brunch with the in-laws, and tax season, don’t you still know how important they are to you?
Showing your loved ones you care
It’s easy to let the days slip by without reminding your loved ones how special they are to you. But your words can change (or even save) a person’s life! They say you should be kind to people, because everyone is fighting a battle that you know nothing about. This applies to even those who you are closest to.
Someone may be really struggling right now due to internal factors like mental illness, or external ones like tragedy and loss. Many people have a hard time reaching out for support. And while it is not your job to make these people feel better, your kind words and actions could help tip the scales just a little bit toward the positive. So why hold them in when you think of them?
You can make the world better—for free!
Even those of us who aren’t in crisis can use a compliment or two. Perhaps your appreciation will hit home so much that it’s treasured and tucked away in their brain for years to come! Just waiting when they are struggling and need encouragement. It may seem silly, but people really do hold onto these kind of things.
In this life, you’re not promised a tomorrow. Neither is anyone else. Not to get too morbid, but don’t you want your legacy to be one of kindness? And don’t you want your loved ones to know that you love them when you see them?
So if you see excellence, praise it! Don’t save the long, indulgent kiss for a less busy and stressful day, and above all, make a point to always tell people what they mean to you. It’s amazing, but we have the ability to speak life into our lives and the people around us. You never know what a world of good it could do.
