When you’re young, it can be easy to go into life guns blazing. You have dreams, places to go, people to meet and problems to solve. It’s great to have ambition, but what about peace and contentment?
I’ve always been one of those, I take myself and my life so seriously. I make goals, and I brainstorm to solve problems. Although I love the feeling of checking off my to-do list, lately life has just turned into one big chore that needs to get done.
And it doesn’t need to be that way. It should never have to be that way. When I get stressed out and obsessed with productivity, I notice that my vision starts to narrow. My breath gets shallow and my thoughts follow suit. During these times, I notice too that I begin to perceive time and life itself differently.
If life seems like a bunch of boxes to check, time seems like square hours stacked on top of each other like bricks, then you’re missing something.
Time flows, like a river, and life is nowhere near as linear of a progression as a checklist. By connecting with the expansiveness of life itself, you will find much more joy and bliss in a daily sequence. Fact is, there are much more options than we can see, and even if you feel stuck in a rut, something might happen tomorrow that could change your life forever.
Routine and control
It’s so common in society today to strive for a routine. We like stability because it helps us mark time, and gives us a sense of control over our lives. But none of us are really in control.
If you’ve ever had a death in the family, been the victim of a crime or gotten very ill, you know what I’m talking about. Sometimes life just happens to us. Having stability, or a routine, tradition, whatever you call it, will not change that. Don’t count on traditions and routines to give you a place in life, because ultimately, all of this could be taken away tomorrow.
And yet, there is also a sense of control loss when you get into a familiar flow for a long time. You feel a sense of obligation to show up at places you don’t like, talk to people who make you uncomfortable, and produce things that make your skin crawl in order to get paid, to gain respect or feel worthy.
You become locked into a sequence that doesn’t become you. You don’t seize the day or your power over your own destiny, because you want to be able to predict tomorrow, even if it is mundane or worse, miserable. If you can predict it, it doesn’t feel so scary.
Constricting nature of goal setting
And it’s not just habits and routines that get us into this mindset either, it’s our goals and expectations of ourselves. We mark our calendars with anniversaries, meetings, and reminders.
We regard last Monday as the day we started our diet, or we think back to the time when we really tried to quit smoking and were so proud of ourselves for how long we lasted. We dedicate our time and energy to improving ourselves, so that we can check things off of our list of flaws.
We think that by improving ourselves we will finally get the position and respect we deserve, or that we will finally feel like we are good enough. It’s another way of trying to predict and control our tomorrows.
A way out
I encourage you today, even if you’re not where you want to be or where you think you should be, stop for a second. Turn off all the music or noise going on around you and just take a look at where you’re really at in your day, your life, your feelings.
Try not to get that tunnel vision or one track mind. If you find your perspective constricting again, take a deep breath both in and out. Observe the sound as well as the sensation. Are you cold or hot or feeling good? Do you like the pattern of the floor you’re standing on? Take a beat for some mindfulness.
I need to tell you that even if you’re extremely unhappy, there are little things going on all around you that are quietly working in your favor. If you would only observe them, your outlook would be expanded. You may start to feel content, curious, or amused.
Take time to really enjoy things
It’s such a cliché to say “remember to stop and smell the roses”, but I’ve never shied away from a good cliché, so let’s dig in.
If every accomplishment in your life was taken away from you right now, what would you have? If you found out that you would never get any better or more worthy than you are right now, would that realization be freeing for you? What would you finally be able to slow down and enjoy if you weren’t racing to get somewhere?
Maybe it’s a beautiful day. Or you’re impressed by the workmanship of your kitchen cabinets because you put so much into them and yet they have been able to stay on the wall, sturdy as ever.
You are good enough
It’s wonderful to think big thoughts about purpose and responsibility towards your own improvement, but you may be letting it overshadow some of the happiness you could otherwise be enjoying.
Let me tell you something, if you were skinnier, had thicker hair and looked more attractive and youthful, you wouldn’t be more entitled to happiness than you are now. And if you were smarter, or richer, or famous, the same statement applies. You are worthy, you are good enough to be allowed to enjoy your own happiness, just the way you are.
You don’t need to follow some grand plan in order to help people, fulfill your potential, to finally be worthy of the joy and bliss you seek. It is there, with you, all around you. You just have to recognize it and deem yourself worthy of it.
Some things are just funny
When you have a feeling that you need to prove yourself worthy of happiness, there’s a sort of chip on your shoulder. When you have this chip on your shoulder, it’s a real challenge to see things as they are. You feel the need to defend yourself to others, and because of that, you will not be able to enjoy some of the hilarious marvelous things in your day.
Everyone does really silly things, sometimes. Learn to laugh at yourself too, as well as situations that may seem unpleasant. Remember that if you saw them on a tv show, you’d find the embarrassment quite comical. Laughing at yourself will not lose the respect of other people. In fact, it’s often just the opposite. It shows you have a good head on your shoulders, and a grounded life perspective.
It’s alright to let yourself laugh, have fun, and hold your goals a little more loosely in order to revel in the pleasures of life and be kinder to yourself. After all, all we know for sure about life is what we have in this moment. Tomorrow, no matter how much you try to predict and control for it, is not promised.
So enjoy now, enjoy your today. Let the people in your life be more important than your job. Let your morning routine be joyous and fun, instead of a process of buttoning up your feelings. Let yourself feel and think and be curious about how interesting and fun little aspects of your life can be. Enjoy them while they’re here in front of you, and don’t take yourself so darn seriously!
