If you are mentally ill, it’s likely that you feel like a burden. This continually begs the question, “should I ask my loved ones for help?” Well, today I want to discuss the specifics of this question and get into when it is or isn’t a good idea to call in your support system.
So when is it time to call in the big guns? On this website, I love to post information about what you can do on your own to facilitate personal growth, healing and recovery but sometimes it’s important to have help from others.
Honesty
Some mental illnesses get you in the habit of being deceptive and secretive, and when you are trying to shake them, at some point you will need to address this. Maybe you don’t really need help with something, but you realize that you have been keeping something a secret from your support network.
Don’t give in to the voices that say you need to hide or be ashamed of yourself, especially if they are separating you from an otherwise happy and healthy life you could be living. If you made a mistake, own up to it and do what you can to fix it, but don’t use it as blackmail against yourself, in hopes that you’ll shame yourself into doing better. It doesn’t work.
Make sure that you are working towards being honest and forthcoming with yourself and your loved ones, because the healthy relationships that you are working to create hinge on that.
Quality of support
That’s not to say you should share everything indiscriminately. There are times when the people around you who love you very much do not have the ability to absorb and process the kind of information that you are working through at the time. In this case, it’s okay to use judgement to decide whether or not to share your struggle with another person.
It’s good in these cases to include a trained professional in your support network. They are better able to process more intense information than the average joe, and will be able to give you some more ideas and suggestions in the face of more extreme symptoms than your well-meaning but perhaps not well-trained loved ones. They also are paid to keep your issues confidential and not lash out at you for relapsing or struggling.
It’s important to know whether or not people in your support system can actually handle the information that you plan on giving them. Even if they want to help, there is no guarantee that they will be able to keep a cool head in the face of your challenges, particularly if that is not already a skill set of theirs. If this is the case, you may be better off handling your issue on your own or discussing it with someone else. You don’t want to risk their mental health and you also don’t want to risk worsening your own due to their ineptitude.
Trust
There’s another important question at play here, which is do you (and can you) trust this person? Our support systems are there for us because they care, but some individuals are a lot more dependable than others.
Not only is it important to be able to trust the person you confide in (to ensure confidentiality), but it is also important to actually trust them, for your own emotional sanity. If you are already struggling, it isn’t worth it to heap extra emotional strife on top with worries about if your life is going to be spread on the front page of your local newspaper.
When confiding in someone, make sure there’s an understanding of privacy and safety in your conversation. If someone proves themselves to be an unworthy confidant, don’t keep pressing the issue by overloading them with more information.
A bit of assurance
After dealing with a lot of inept “support” people, I can tell you this. There are people out there who can and will listen and support you through thick and thin, they truly exist.
This sense of being a burden you have is real; for some people, caring is a burden, trying to aid someone in not destroying themselves can be burdensome. But the right person will not view you as a burden, but rather as a beautiful, wonderful person going through emotional struggles. The right person will see it all as worth it, even when it gets exhausting.
There is no such thing as a perfect person, and the same apples to your support network. Remember, it’s not you who is the burden, but your struggles. Keep that in mind and use it as your rocket fuel for recovery, and a reminder that you and your health are worth it.
Ask for help!
Whether you end up telling the person about your struggle or not, it’s important for you to still reach out for help. If your friends and family can’t handle it, there are trained professionals and support groups, online forums, workshops and churches full of good people. If you need help and to be heard, find the emotional support you need instead of just imploding.
Finding a good support system can be a bit difficult, that’s true. But you will find it is well worth the effort. A good support system will ensure your knowledge that you are loved and worthy of recovery.
They will be there for you to help bounce ideas off of and in a way, catch you when you fall. You will still fall, because that is part of healing and recovery. But having a support system, you will fall into a net instead of splat onto the ground.
Your recovery and healing is in your hands, the ball is in your court, but it’s up to you to reach out and ask for the help that you need to take your next steps.
As my support system always says, “be careful, but not scared.” Learn to trust your own discernment of who to tell and what to say, and don’t feel guilty about the decision not to disclose everything to someone who isn’t capable of being kind or respectful about it.
Spend your time and energy on the people who can and do support you, and maintain honesty and forthcomingness with them. Remember, you can and will get through this!
