Dejection, despair, hopelessness. I’ve been there. Sometimes life seems so grey and dim, but if you’re determined, you can learn how to dig yourself out with a little shovel — the shovel of appreciation.
And I’m not advocating for ignoring your discomfort either. I consider that a dangerous practice. But it’s important to ask the question, is that really where we would like to begin? And if it is, where do we actually go from there?
I used to hear comments that could be described as optimistic and couldn’t stop myself from rolling my eyes. You see, it was hard for me to understand at the time that wallowing in the negative and hurt was not useful. I had learned that if I wanted to fix anything in life, I would need to pay utmost attention to my discomfort and go from there.
A way out of pessimism and fixation
I would argue that there is another way to live life. One of not ignoring your discomfort, but rather, recognizing your little bits of comfort as well. In fact, if we ignore the good things in our lives, we aren’t being practical at all. Instead we are refusing to take in one half of the equation when it comes to information.
We have to let ourselves see our negative thoughts and feelings in our daily lives, that’s true. They are there for a reason, which is to alert us that something is wrong. But once you’ve identified that something is wrong, it’s time to create a plan for fixing it, not time to obsess over the wrongness of that thing. And this is where we falter when it comes to pessimism.
It’s near impossible to come up with a working solution if you refuse to look at your assets at all. You have skills, you have strengths, and you have things in your life that you can count on and be grateful for. This is something it is necessary to realize if you ever want to rise up from your current issue.
When problem solving, its extremely beneficial to get creative, looking at every possible thing to come up with a new way of responding and behaving. Just as negative input is information, so is positive input. When changing yourself and changing your life, positive input is just as necessary to acknowledge as the negative.
It doesn’t make you full of yourself or vain to look at your good points. And it doesn’t make you deluded to spend your time looking at the positives of even a problematic situation.
My story of challenges with appreciation
I haven’t been practicing what I preach lately, when it comes to appreciation and gratitude, I must admit. (I have an article on gratitude already on this site, which you can find by clicking here). You see, I find a certain chapter in my life coming to an end, and instead of looking for the good in my final days of it, I find myself feeling trapped and depressed instead.
I tend to forget that the only reason I got such a good footing in the first place was because I let myself be happy with the little changes that I saw happening before me, and I let them be enough. That is, in fact, how I managed to claw myself out of my destructive habits in the first place.
It’s a lot easier to simply say something is true without trying to practice it for yourself, but in the beginning, I practiced it myself before I professed it as true. That is to say, I tried focusing on the the little miracles when I could. But I wasn’t so sure this was the way to go. It was just something I was trying, and it was something that ended up working.
I tried being thankful for waking up in the morning and the strength to make it through the day, for the taste of the food I ate, for the sunshine and the fact that, moment by moment, I found myself safe. And little by little, I noticed that joy came to me more and more, until I was genuinely happy.
Learning appreciation, again
So if appreciation worked so well with bringing me to a healthy, happy state the first time, why have I been struggling now? Well, as silly as it may sound, I’ve forgotten. That’s right. But I haven’t forgotten my story about how I managed to become healthy and happy. You could say, I’ve forgotten how it connects, how it applies to my life.
I haven’t been as down in the dumps as I was then. Seriously, I thought of this only as a means to escape a life of overwhelming despondence. It hit me at some point very recently, that I could use this as a tool for myself when I was just feeling sad and stuck.
When it was mentioned to me, I dismissed it, just as I did the first time, as being invalidating and impractical. Just like the first time, it was a conclusion I had to come to myself. And I did, just like the first time, come to this conclusion myself. It came exactly how it came the first time, in a moment of simplistic, overwhelming beauty, where I finally let myself let go of everything for a minute to enjoy what was in front of me.
Challenges with appreciating the little things
Where you are is ever-evolving, and there is always something new to appreciate. So why do some of us seem to have such a hard time honoring the present moment, and the little beautiful miracles that seem to come to us free-flowing?
It’s easy to be caught up in fear. Fear that your life isn’t impressive enough, that you’re not where you should be or that you just aren’t good enough as you are. But I bet you never thought that these feelings are the exact things that keep you from becoming anything more than you are today.
Try to notice the next little miracle that comes to you, even if you can’t actually cherish it for one. How do you figure out what it is? Easy. Anything that gives you a smile, seems like a good thing. It might be that you remembered something that you needed to have with you today, or that you love the way it feels to hug a loved one. You might find that your lunch tastes really good today and left you feeling satisfied instead of hungry or overly full. You might just be seeing the beautiful weather, or how powerful a storm nature can make, but there are so many beautiful, impressive things around us every day, and you exist as a part of that.
Does appreciation really change us?
Now, why will this bring a transformation in our lives? The more you begin to see these beautiful things, the more you will begin to realize that there is more around the corner. For you, for us, for humanity. There is so much more beauty and joy to come in the future, if only you let yourself see it.
The less you try to explain wonderful things away as silly or laughable, the more you will see them, the more you will be able to enjoy them, and eventually you will find yourself just revelling in the pleasure the existence of beauty can bring.
Not only this, but you will also realize more and more that you yourself can bring these things to others– that you yourself can be a little miracle for someone. This can certainly help with self-hatred. There is something so moving about standing in your power from a place of joy and peace, not to stand up for yourself or to protect anything, but to create and add joy and beauty to the world around you for others to see.
Permission not to fear
You don’t have to disapprove of yourself to go somewhere new or become something greater. You can be here, and go along that path, enjoying each step along the way. Know that you will never get this beautiful day back, but you will always be able to access the wonderful memories.
Today, I give you permission– be proud of yourself for your life, no matter how mediocre you feel it may be. Look back on all the lessons you learned, all the challenges you’ve overcome and know, there is more good stuff coming. I give you permission to be happy where you are, not because it’s all you’ll ever get, but because it’s beautiful and more is coming.
If you’re feeling stuck lately, I promise you, nothing is permanent. Your next life chapter is coming. It will always be coming to you, there’s no need to try to force it. It’s okay to just notice it, enjoy every little bit you can, and become it over time. I’m so thankful to be able to share this message with you today. I hope you were able to hear it for what I meant it as. Not a withholding of validation, but rather an encouragement. You are beautiful, your life is beautiful too! Keep going! Keep being who you are and understand that that is enough.
