Life can be stressful. Although we may try to be mindful, spiritual, and so on and so forth, it doesn’t always work out the way we hope. After all, we’re all human.
So when life gets you down (and just keeps on stomping), what can you do to save your sanity? Mental breakdowns are never fun.
Perfectionista?
The first thing you will want to check is if you find yourself motivated by perfectionism. Do you expect yourself to get it all right, this very moment?
It goes without saying, but no one can get everything right, and certainly not all at once. Life is a winding journey, and we will always be learning, growing, and changing. There will never be a time where you have everything figured out.
Also consider, if you expect constant perfection from yourself, you only drive yourself towards a burnout. It’s normal and healthy to want to do your best.
But it’s also important to recognize that your best isn’t a constant thing. Your best will never be “perfect”, and day to day what you are able to accomplish will fluctuate.
If you’re going through a hard time, don’t expect yourself to be perfect. In fact, give yourself permission to not perform as well for a little while, until you get your personal matters resolved.
What does your struggle mean about you?
Another interesting perspective toward inner distress is, “what am I making this mean about myself?” Let me explain.
If you have issues with mammoth amounts of debt and you decide that means you’re incompetent with money and a glutton in your daily life, you’re going to be suffering so much more than if you are able to pay off your debt slowly and surely without all those self-accusations.
Sometimes life just happens to us. And when it does, we have a choice in how to respond. It’s easier to believe good things about ourselves when life is going well and everyone approves of your choices and your performance, but if that is taken away, some of us tend to struggle.
However, it is important to remember that it is in times of struggle that it becomes more necessary to have your own back, so to speak. This will reduce your distress in the face of turmoil, and will build a better foundation for the future.
Life is not a performance
Your value as a person is bigger than your ability to give to others. We see the word “performance” a couple times in this post already, and I think it just goes to show something.
You may be inclined to worry if your ability to fulfill all of your prior commitments dips as a result of a stressful time in your life.
After all, people may reject you if you’re unable to give them the help and support that you usually do. It’s not like you want to lose friends, but you’re currently unable to function the same way.
This is where we pick up. You see, life is about more than just giving and performing. Sometimes, it’s necessary to receive, and to take some time out to recover.
Most people will accept it if you’re usually a loving supportive person, but you need to take some time out for yourself. In fact, many will even ask how they can support you in this time.
They say you can’t love others until you love yourself first, and I think the truest part of this statement applies to service. If you try to give to others from a place of emptiness within yourself, you will run into trouble.
Running on fumes trying to care for others can only go on for so long, before you build up resentment, and inevitably burnout.
Do you really need to avoid a breakdown?
We like to fix things and get them out of the way, but it isn’t always possible. Sometimes, the only way out is through. Through your emotions, through your pain.
In my years of working with myself, I found that I can actually continue with much of my daily life, even while emotionally broken.
We worry that if we let ourselves feel our emotions, then they will bubble up and over us so strongly we won’t be able to go about our life.
There are worse things that could happen to you than sobbing in the middle of buying your groceries. Even if people stare at you.
If the idea of this makes you squirm inside, read my post entitled, “why on earth would I want to feel my feelings?” for further exploration into the subject.
Accept your reality
The main take-away here is that life is going to happen to you. Understanding this fact is important, and certainly the first step.
Many of us think about tragedies like, “oh, that will never happen to me.” We think this both consciously and subconsciously. The fact is, life is going to happen to you. Begin to expect it, and accept it.
Understand that going through difficulties means nothing bad about you. It is simply a struggle you’re expected to deal with (or avoid and let it overcome you at a later date).
Be gentle with yourself
In the tough times, we tend to expect more from ourselves than we are able to give. Try to be realistic when you commit to extra responsibilities, and hold your schedules with a looser grip. You may find that something you thought you could do becomes impossible in light of this new issue.
Let yourself relax a little bit into a gentler routine for a while. It’s okay to say no to things you can’t handle and expect less of yourself while you try to regain your stability.
In your personal life, let yourself administer more self-care and self-soothing. For now, you need to take care of yourself more gently with both your actions and your expectations of yourself.
Even though you feel you may be emotionally broken, there is a part of yourself that can stay strong and be your personal support. Essentially, you can think of it as two sides of yourself. One is going through turmoil and the other is a wiser, quieter side that is able to listen, support and assist you.
You can be your own support, your own comfort, and even your own protection. And this side of yourself doesn’t judge you as wrong or bad for going through these issues. This side of you is very gentle with expectations of you, and willing to wait while you regain your peace and sanity.
Whether you find yourself avoiding a meltdown or managing one, remember that you are strong. You can get through this, and flourish on the other side.
