There comes a time in a person’s life where they start to wonder, “do I have a problem? Am I really doing this life thing right?” If you’re in that point, you might be wondering about therapy. What is it, and do you need it?
The fact is, if you’re thinking about therapy, you probably could benefit from it. It’s straightforward because the choice to go to therapy is a personal one. If you don’t want to be there, it won’t work. But if you have identified that you need help, there is a lot of transformational work you can do in therapy.
What is therapy?
So first, you might wonder what therapy actually is, and what people do there.
You can think of therapy the same way you think about going to the doctor. When you go to the doctor, there’s either a precise problem, or you’re just going in for a checkup.
In a checkup, they simply aim to affirm you’re healthy. If there is an actual problem, they assess your symptoms, and work out a diagnosis as well as a form of treatment.
Therapy is similar, although less people go for a “checkup”. In therapy, you have a problem, your therapist looks at your symptoms, you may get a diagnosis, and a treatment plan is developed.
The main difference in therapy is the treatment itself, which is more like school. The goal is to learn certain skills to help you deal with (and in some cases, eradicate) your symptoms. So you can think of each new skill learned as a pill you take to get better.
So you probably know in general when it’s time to go to the doctor. But when is it time to seek out a therapist’s couch? What are some things to be on the lookout for that might tip you off that it’s time for therapy?
Self Sabotage
Most people have life goals they want to achieve in order to be and express as their best self.
It’s not always easy to achieve your goals, but it’s doable with small, actionable steps. If you find yourself committing the sin of self-sabotage though, it might be worth a look inside your head to figure out what is going on.
A therapist can help you discover subconscious thoughts that lead to cringe-worthy habits and behaviors. They can also help you rewrite some of those thoughts into something more constructive.
Self-harm
This one is similar to self-sabotage, but more pronounced. If you begin self-harming, you definitely could benefit from a couple sessions of therapy.
Now you may be thinking, “of course if I’m self-harming I need therapy. Who doesn’t know that?” However, self harm isn’t as obvious as it seems.
There are many different forms of self harm. There is self-injury, with the most well-known form being cutting, but also includes burning, bruising, scratching and really anything else that can lead to injury. But self harm is not just self-injury.
Self harm can include eating disorders, substance abuse, alcoholism, reckless sexual encounters or even just general risk-taking behavior.
Talking with a therapist about self harm can help you detangle the warring thoughts in your head about overwhelming feelings, numbness, self hatred and comfort seeking.
Feeling like your emotions are out of control
Out of control feelings may sound like a fairly unexciting reason to seek out therapy, but it is very real and very important to take seriously.
Overwhelming feelings can be an early sign of mental illness, particularly those that persist and don’t have a definite cause.
Not only that though, it is worth it to not live a life that is controlled by your feelings.
Finding ways to manage your feelings while still addressing and respecting them is very useful tool for being able to live the life you dream of for yourself. You will be better able to navigate stress and achieve your goals.
Suicidal thoughts and feelings
Life is very dark when you want to die or want to kill yourself. You shouldn’t have to go through it alone.
When you’re hurting, a therapist can be a listening ear to vent to. They can support you in finding healthier outlets for your feelings, and also connect you with other resources like support groups and mental health programs.
Asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. In fact, it takes a lot of strength to reach out, and it’s something you should be proud of yourself for doing.
A traumatic past
Secrets can kill, and when you’re forced to endure a trauma, much of your life can become a secret.
You don’t want anyone to know what you’re experiencing, because they might think you’re crazy, or a liar. At the same time it can be hard to open up about your trauma, because it is very personal, and sometimes involves things that embarrass you.
Therapy can be a safe place to open up about trauma. You can talk about what happened, and how you felt.
Not only can you get these secrets off of your chest, but you also learn things about yourself along the way, like the little subconscious beliefs you hold about yourself and life because of your trauma.
And you learn how to live, first as a person who has been traumatized, and second as a person who has healed from trauma and become healthy and whole again.
Random, irrational fears
Another red flag for therapy are irrational fears and phobias. There are many types of therapy to help you overcome your fears, and they all have different approaches towards fears.
Whether you want to just expose yourself and get over your fears or you are trying to find out why you’re afraid of them in the first place, therapy can be a safe and constructive place to let these things play out.
You are a caretaker
If you have a loved one who is ill and you are in charge of their care, or if you are a parent, you are a caretaker.
The reason it is a good idea to get therapy as a caretaker is that by job description, you’ve signed up for a stressful existence.
Taking charge of someone’s care can be frustrating and lonely. Many caregivers suffer from burnout, especially after a while.
If you have chosen this as a way of life, it’s easy to forget to prioritize yourself and your feelings, as most of your life becomes devoted to the person you’re caring for.
If you are burned out, you might have a shorter temper with the person you’re caring for, develop health physical problems, or even mental illnesses. It’s very important to take care of yourself, and therapy is one of the ways that you can do that (or at least learn how to).
You tick some boxes for mental illness
You’re not mentally ill, yet. But you’ve noticed that lately, you’ve lost interest in the things you used to enjoy. Or you’re worried that this calorie counting thing has gone way off the rails.
You don’t have to wait until you have a full-blown mental illness to make an appointment with a therapist. In fact, you really shouldn’t.
The earlier you catch worrying issues, the easier they are to uproot. In therapy, you will learn about yourself and possible risk factors you may have for different mental health conditions, even if you don’t yet have any.
Remember, it will be easier to prevent a mental illness than it will be to overcome one. So don’t put it off until you simply can’t ignore it anymore. If you notice something wrong, get help.
You’re battling an addiction
Some people would argue that addiction is a mental illness. I’m not going to say that. I will say, however, that addictions are life-ruiners. Often, we don’t even know how wonderfully complete our lives would be if we escaped our addictions.
It’s not just drugs and alcohol, either. Self harm, sex addiction, internet and food addiction are all very real things as well, and they are things that your life would be better without.
Therapy can be a supportive and nonjudgmental place for you to be open about your recovery journey, as well as a place to gather tools for your transformation.
Other’s opinions matter more than your own
Are you a people pleaser? Do you take seriously little things, that should be your decision, yet you agonize over what others will think? Therapy is the place to go.
With therapy, you can learn to explore your own views, instead of those of others. You may be uncomfortable doing so at first, but your therapist is there to listen to you, not what other people think of you.
First you can learn to hear your own voice, then you’ll learn to respect it. It’s surprisingly a longer process than you’d expect, but the payoff is monumental.
Only when you learn to hear and listen to your own wants and needs will you be able to live the life you want to live and become the person you want to be. Don’t sell yourself short or condemn yourself to live the life that someone else wants for you.
You hate yourself or your body
In our society, it’s become normal to hate ourselves and how we look. We see advertisements all day long that remind us that we could be prettier, leaner, have smaller noses or whatever it is.
And it’s not just advertising. We learn through our peers, friends, and family how to hate ourselves too, so much so that it becomes normal. In fact, a person who truly loves and respects themselves is a rarity.
The problem is, while hating yourself might be normal now, it hasn’t all of a sudden led our western culture to happiness.
In fact, we think that if we just hate ourselves enough, we’ll be motivated enough to change. But hating ourselves is how we got here in the first place.
That is to say, if you want to make positive changes in your life, you’re going to have to have a positive opinion of yourself. A good place to learn that is therapy, which helps you work on yourself on a level of both thought and behavior.
You’re super stressed!
Now we get to an incredibly common travesty, stress. Another thing in today’s society that is as normal as self-hatred, it’s stress. We are becoming increasingly busy, and increasingly stressed out.
This is more harmful than we are led to believe. Living in a constant state of stress is miserable. And it can build up to more serious mental health concerns than just unhappiness. Anger problems, anxiety, and depression can all ensue when stress become your way of life.
Stress also produces physical issues as well. With chronic stress, you begin to lose sleep, your eating habits get all out of whack, and your brain even becomes less capable of functioning normally!
In therapy, you can learn lifestyle changes to help keep stress to a minimum, as well as new ways of interacting with stress that address it, deal with it and release it.
You will learn to live a more productive life and how to get more done without stressing yourself out. These are very useful skills.
So do I need therapy?
Ultimately, only you can decide if therapy is right for you. Remember, therapy is not a place for crazies, but rather a place where you can go to learn life skills to help you achieve your personal goals.
So if you decide therapy is right for you, form a goal to achieve. Find a therapist who is on board with your goal and has ideas to help you get there. Finally, once you’re all set up, remember to be open. Therapy is a place for you to be honest, so that you can work through your issues. If you can’t be honest with yourself, you won’t improve.
