If you’ve had a trauma in your life and are dealing with the broken remnants of feelings and memories, I highly recommend EMDR.
Window of Tolerance
EMDR is a therapy specifically for healing trauma and was developed in a way that you stay within what is called a window of tolerance. Essentially what that means is you think about your problem/trauma without getting hyperaroused (panic, flashbacks, etc) or hypoaroused (numb, sleepy, etc).
This window of tolerance is what helps you actually process the situation and your feelings around it, giving light to new perspectives over time. When you get to know more about your window of tolerance (what it looks like, what it feels like, what triggers push you out of it) then you become more able to deal with trauma, but also everyday problems and stressors. By learning how to stay within your window of tolerance, you build your ability to think critically about difficult situations and line yourself up to do so more optimally, and more often.
Dealing with the Worst First
Once we had gotten a new piece of the trauma processed, my therapist would ask me, “okay, what’s the worst part now?” and that would become our new priority.
In a day where it seems to-do lists are endless, we can get into the habit of dealing with the easiest thing first. We imagine that this will help us get the most things done, and numerically, we are right. However, getting the most things done is not what produces the best results, or the most satisfying transformation.
No, instead of doing the easiest thing first, we must face the worst part, do the most important thing first. This will allow us the fastest healing, as well as earliest resolution to a problem.
Visualization is Key
One exercise that I learned in EMDR is visualizing. When you feel attacked, you can visualize a barrier around you, or you can visualize yourself in a calmer setting, but you have to really see it. A visualization can be really helpful when you are reacting to something that happened in the past or that you’re worried about in the future.
You see, your brain doesn’t really see the difference between outer stimuli and inner stimuli. This can be problematic if your head is a chaotic place. But this can be used to your advantage, when you give yourself helpful inner stimuli. If you can see it, you can be it.
It’s not Always Time
Another neat trick I learned in EMDR is the concept of compartmentalizing some of my thoughts and experiences. If you’re not familiar with the practice, it basically means that you take a certain thought, memory or experience and you set it aside in your brain, putting it on the back burner, if you will.
There is a difference between compartmentalizing and repressing though. When you repress something you essentially say “I’m not equipped to deal with this, so I won’t.” When you compartmentalize, you are telling yourself, “this is important, and I will deal with it, but now is not the time.”
With many of us, if we have a trauma or phobia or even an intense worry, we can begin to repress it. I used to be the same. We are taught that we either deal with this, or we don’t, and we may repress as our only option, or try to address the problem before we are ready or before the situation permits.
However, it’s not always time to handle a certain situation or aspect of a trauma. By adding the option of compartmentalizing, we can take control of our life and problems. We can address our issues when we’re ready and make some real headway. We don’t have to face everything all at once and cause ourselves more damage in the process.
Self-Reliance is Success
In EMDR, I learned the hard lesson that my healing is my responsibility. If people try to help me on my journey, then that’s kind of them, but they are under no obligation to do so. And if I need to heal, I have to fight for my healing, no matter what my situation may be.
It’s not just healing from trauma though, it’s everything. Essentially, it’s important to take responsibility for your life, even if someone else’s actions brought you to where you are. You can blame your boss, your parents or anyone but ultimately it’s you who has the power to get yourself out of a situation. You have to figure out how to achieve what you desire, whether that be recovery from addiction, healing from trauma, getting fit or running a successful business.
Healing is a Process
Some days, it can be easy to feel trapped in your current situation, but healing is something we all have the ability to do. Healing can be painful, but not as painful as carrying around your wounds.
While we all have the ability to heal, it’s important to remember that it can’t all happen at once. When you experience a trauma, betrayal or setback, it is multi-layered. Your healing may happen quickly or slowly, but it will not happen all at once.
There are stages of healing, as well as stages of forgiveness. This being the case, it is important not to judge where you are as wrong or bad. Instead, acknowledge that you are taking the next step, and that is a beautiful thing.
Healing Brings New Insights
When you begin your journey or healing and moving forward, things are going to change. You may change, even let go of some old identities. It’s okay to change, it doesn’t make you wrong before.
Most of all though, be prepared to have a few changes in paradigm. You may start to uncover new perspectives that the old you would feel hurt or triggered by. When faced with this, remember you have no obligation to be the same person you always were.
You don’t have to stay small and hurt to be true to yourself. In fact, taking the next step towards healing is one of the best and bravest things you can do for yourself. Eventually, if you come to a new realization in your healing journey, embrace it. Guilt has no place in healing, and if you find new peace of mind, then hold it.
