Why should I think positively?

Pessimism or Realism?     

   Sometimes, it can be easy to fall into pessimism. We like to call ourselves “realists”, and say that we are simply facing facts.  We all have dreams, but we don’t think they’re realistic and so we give up or don’t pursue them in the first place.

  And what’s wrong with facing facts? We want to be grounded in reality, after all. If we don’t stay grounded, won’t we be made fun of, or even hated? Most of all, we won’t be able to move forward when we have a life based on fantasy, right?

 

The Truth about Fantasy

  Not really. Everyone’s life is partially made up of fantasy, even the most committed pragmatists. It’s easy enough to think “not me”, but how can you see your own blind spots? Maybe you think you’re good with people, but you’re really not, or maybe you think you’re bad at drawing, when you actually have talent. Regardless, we all have our own delusions.

  If this is true, for some, pessimism seems the way to go. “I’d rather be wrong and happy than wrong and sad.” I used to say this all the time. It made so much sense at the time, and in a twisted way I was trying to practice optimism- I would either be happy with a situation, or right about it which made me happy.

 

Why I Needed Pessimism

  I think more than anything, it was an immature view. Mostly I was trying to protect myself from disappointment, because I didn’t know how to handle it. But dealing with disappointment is a part of growing up.

  I always knew myself to be a more pessimistic person, but I didn’t see a reason to change. All those people who were so optimistic all the time were annoying to me. I didn’t want to be annoying to other people. (Of course I didn’t realize pessimists are annoying to positive people.)

 

Why I need Optimism

  I don’t know when I decided I wanted to become a positive thinker, but I do know why. I was so tired of being unhappy with myself and with my life, and at some point I realized that I had enough problems without making my own thoughts one of them.

  If you’re a parent, you’re probably used to cleaning up your language around your kids. You try not to swear, be vulgar, etc. This is because you know that your kids are listening, and you don’t want them to be picking up on these habits.

  But when you’re talking in your mind, you are listening. And regardless of the lack of harm done to others, having to listen to negative chatter all the time is exhausting and depressing. When we subject ourselves to this, we hurt ourselves even more on top of what is already hurting us and stressing us out.

Pessimist to Optimist

  At what point did I really decide I had to change though? I can tell you that I realized my negative mindset was getting me nowhere.  I wanted to be happy and achieve my goals. I realized that by constantly telling myself I couldn’t or wouldn’t, I was holding myself back. I  wouldn’t let myself hope, so I couldn’t get a vision for what I wanted.

  If you can’t let yourself dream, you can’t construct a vision. If you don’t have a vision, you won’t achieve it. But most of all, even if you manage to achieve something, you won’t be able to maintain it if you don’t believe in yourself.

The Outcome of Negative Thinking

  I once knew a man who was plagued by negativity. He only wanted a quiet, happy family life, comfort, white picket fence, house in the suburbs, the whole nine yards. He wasn’t looking to take down nations or conquer the world.

  He thought about it and pursued his dream for long enough that he got it. But over time, he started slipping. He hated himself, and his thoughts that seemed so out of control. He hated his life, not because he hadn’t gotten his dream, but because his head was such a miserable place to be. And he hated himself, for giving in to depression and cowardice. He always said that mental illness wasn’t a choice.

  He was right, mental illness isn’t a choice. It is, however, the result of many conscious and subconscious choices you make every day. Once you’ve sunken into a depression, or other mental illness of
self-sabotage, it is very hard to dig yourself out because you’ve trained yourself towards negativity.

  This man lost his whole dream. He lost his wife because he was convinced she was ashamed of his condition, and telling lies about him to their children. He lost his children because he “knew” they didn’t respect him. He lost his house because he lost his wife and kids, and most importantly, he lost his reputation as a good husband and father, as a man of God, because he was so busy hating himself that he couldn’t show love to his family.

Problem and Solution

  Thinking negatively takes up an astounding amount of mental space, and this is space that could be used hoping, dreaming, loving and problem solving. So many people waste their energy on their insecurities, they worry away their potential and talent.

  When I realized that I was keeping myself from my dreams by thinking so negatively, I felt the need to change. I couldn’t bear to hate myself and my life anymore, and I knew that I had to choose between the self I had always been and the self that one day I could be. I knew that if I could become a positive thinker, I would be closer to this new self who was stronger, smarter, and more successful in all of my endeavors.

  Don’t hold yourself back with negative mental chatter. The time has come to make the investment in the new person you could become, instead of holding to negative thoughts and past identities. Be sure to share this post with friends and family irl and on social media, to invite them to do the same.