A while back, my boyfriend and I were chilling out after a long day of work. After dinner, we found ourselves scrolling through his social media feed to find a picture of a very attractive woman who obviously worked out, wearing very little clothes. We both enjoyed the picture, seeing her aesthetic beauty was certainly a pleasant experience, at least at first. Yet before the hour was over, I found myself spinning in a cyclone of thoughts and subtle emotions, seemingly unable to get out.
These days, we all have these tiny pocket computers and the social media that seems to go with them. Even those of us who suspect the constant scrolling is not good for us fall prey to it, and when it comes right down to it, it can be nearly impossible to escape the subtle hand of the Insta-life.
I see a picture of this beautiful woman, and perhaps even hear a few comments about her body. Someone says, “wow, she’s hot” and someone else says, “well her abs aren’t strong enough yet”. In a couple moments, someone I perceived as perfect and better than me is taken down and I wonder , “If a picture that beautiful isn’t above reproach, then I wonder what people say about me.”
It’s easy to get stuck in a whirlwind of worries around this, and if you see such pictures on a continual basis, you may find yourself in a perpetual state of this questioning.
Your beauty doesn’t lie in the pictures you post, but rather the peace of mind you feel when you accept the skin you’re in. If you can do this, you will be a lone flower in a field of grass, the only one with the beauty of self-love.
But how do you achieve this level of comfort with your appearance and even yourself as a whole person? Well, it’s not just a quick fix, it’s definitely a journey. It’s also sort of a hard thing to start, because if you don’t believe you’re good enough, why would you start trying to feel good enough? Isn’t that just deluding yourself?
This is where many enter in the “act as if” philosophy. It’s a simple concept, basically you play a great big game of pretend with yourself. The act as if strategy gets you thinking thoughts like, “what would I do right now if I did love myself?” Or “How would I handle this if I believed I were enough?”
This is all fine and dandy up to a point, and many people have success with this method. The reason being that often when you learn how to act upon a certain belief and put those thoughts into action, the belief often follows. I never found success with the “act as if” school of thought. I felt like a phony, and I felt like I lived each day in a stifled stupor.
I knew I had to change my beliefs about myself and my life, but I also knew this way wasn’t working for me, so I had to do something about it. Eventually, I found a way around this that for some, may be an argument of semantics. For me, it made all the difference.
The author of “The Four Agreements”, Don Miguel Ruiz says it very eloquently. In his book, “The Voice of Knowledge”, he discusses how each person is governed by their own thoughts and stories, and how much of these are lies. The solution he comes up with is simple, not easy. He tells us not believe our own stories (thoughts), and not to believe the stories of others. This thought was my gateway into loving and accepting myself.
The reason I say this is simple, not easy, is that it is an ongoing practice. For some, it’s a drag to be “policing” one’s own thoughts. This is a viewpoint I understand. “After all,” we think, “ it’s just a thought. As long as I don’t say it out loud, what harm can it do?” This viewpoint, while understandable, is flawed. Particularly when the subject of the thought is yourself, it does serious harm to think negatively. In fact, what you say about yourself can do more damage than what others say about you.
When we hear a barrage of cruel chatter directed at ourselves on the daily, our self-esteem easily suffers, if we accept the abuse. We are the only ones with our minds at all times, and thus, we are the main contributors to our self esteem, through the things we tell ourselves. The worst part is, when the abuse is our own thoughts, we have often already accepted them. We don’t fact check our own opinions about ourselves.
Once we’ve accepted our self-abusing thoughts, we’re left with very little hope of loving or liking ourselves. However, if you make a practice of not believing your own thoughts, then you have a motive for improving them, and building new ones. This is how I was able to move forward, and maybe for some of you, it could be an open door as well. It may be more work than “acting as if”, but for me it has been a path to major transformation and inner peace.
What do you think you could be if your thoughts weren’t true? Have you implemented this idea into your life already? Let us know by leaving a comment. If you found this concept interesting, be sure to share on social media to give people a positive experience amongst the triggers for comparative thoughts! As always, thank you for reading.
