I’ve always wanted to be a good person for as long as I can remember. I think most people can relate to that, but what is a good person? What makes someone a good person? And can you be a good person who is better than other than other good people, or is it more like an achievement badge where once you’re a good person, you’re part of the good people club?
Although I always thought I needed to be a good person, I didn’t actually ask anyone what that might mean until I was 16 years old. Once I started asking, it seemed like nobody had an answer for me, at least not a definite one. Usually, they didn’t even have an answer that satisfied them.
Often, when launched into a conversation about being a good person, the topic of actions vs. intent comes up. If your intentions are pure but you still make a huge mistake, most people often agree that doesn’t make you a bad person. Often there isn’t a consensus about whether someone is a good person in this situation though, as circumstances can vary. And most people don’t think that someone qualifies as a good person through actions alone, if their motivations are malicious. While the actions vs. intent conversation is interesting, it doesn’t seem to bring forth an answer for us insofar as we still don’t know how to live our lives based on this idea.
The funny thing about humans is that even though most of us don’t have an answer for what might make someone a good person, we often make assertions that someone is a good person—often about ourselves, that we are good people. We need to see ourselves as good people so that we can sleep at night and wake up to ourselves tomorrow in the mirror. Even if we do awful things, we make justifications for why we are still good people; for why even though we thought bad things and said bad things and did bad things, we are still good people.
These justifications come out mainly when we see others who seem to be better than us. Maybe they are still managing to be kind and forgiving to others in circumstances that we are not, maybe they are doing wonderful things for the world that we never could have dreamed of. Maybe they’re just less selfish or lazy than we are. But when you see someone who just seems to be kicking butt in the good person category, it’s easy to go on the defensive, especially when your self-esteem is wrapped up in being and feeling like (perhaps more feeling like than being) a good person.
One of the hardest things for me to learn is that sometimes good people do bad things. Sometimes, someone who generally has good intentions or is kind to others, will falter. Sometimes people make great big mistakes. Maybe they make a mistake that is so awful and unforgivable that we can’t ever look them in the eye again, but does that make them a bad person? Maybe it’s not for us to say. In fact, maybe it’s not even for us to say if we are good people or not.
If we think that being a good person is like a badge that you acquire, then why should we keep doing decent and kind things once we feel we have earned our status as a good person? In this way, we can see that this belief can lead us away from being and acting as good people. However, if you do not ever make the mental assertion that you are a good person, perhaps you might never lose the motivation to continue striving to do kind acts.
When most people think of a good person without having to explain it, they think of someone who is kind and generous. A good person may give to charity, or volunteer. They invest their time, energy and other resources on the lives and well-being of others, and they try not to cause harm. Most of us, though we’re convinced we are good people, do very little for others, specifically anyone other than our loved ones. That’s not to say that doing things for those you love is not a good thing, but surely doing something kind for someone who can never reciprocate is more generous.
However you look at it, maybe we all ought to spend less time with our measuring sticks, and more time trying to think up ways to be better people. Because time spent trying to figure out if you are a good person is time that could be spent trying to become a better one. And if you spend your time trying to decide whether or not you or someone else is in fact a good person, you can think yourself into oblivion, because there is no end to this question. However, if you spend time thinking about little things you can do to add joy into someone else’s day or ease the pain of another, you will always find at least one thing. And upon doing that one thing, you will often find that you feel better too, about yourself, and about the world around you.
What do you think makes someone a good person? What ideas do you have for helping others? Leave a comment to help us along with the discussion. And if you know someone who is paralyzed by needing to feel like a good person, be sure to share this post with them! Together, we can help each other not just feel like good people, but actually be!
