An elderly woman once told me something that I’ve been unable to forget. She said to me, “That’s the funny thing about getting old.
Some things, you remember, and other things, you just…don’t.” I don’t think she expected me to understand the significance of what she was saying. Maybe I don’t. But I can tell you this, it certainly touched me, her statement.
I don’t think it only applies to getting old, I think for anyone it’s true. Some things you remember, and others you just…don’t. That’s not all there is to it, though.
The things that we remember say a lot about us. They explain us, they shape us. You might be tempted to think that we are the sum of what we remember, but it’s more complex than that. We are the sum of what we remember multiplied by the times we remember it. If something wonderful happens, and you keep thinking about it, then perhaps you will become measurably more happy, despite it being a single event.
Now, what about those of us who remember the bad things? Well, I’m willing to admit that there is a downside. You see, having a brilliant memory doesn’t correlate with having a happier life. And it depends what your brain is predisposed to.
Perhaps you have heard that everyone has a happiness baseline. Some people have a lower baseline than others. That is to say, some people just feel more “normal” being neutral or even miserable. It’s not about what you want, it’s about what you’re used to. People who have a lower baseline are used to thinking negative things about themselves, and remembering the awful things.
Conversely, there are those with a high happiness baseline, or what we might call “happy people”. These are the people that we’re used to seeing smiling, joking and having fun on a daily basis. Maybe you call them optimists. These are people who are used to thinking positive thoughts, and remembering the good things they’ve experienced.
So, what? If you have a low happiness baseline you’re basically just doomed to being unhappy forever? Well, yes….but no, not at all. So say you’re someone who has just accepted you’re a person with a low baseline. You find yourself sad, angry, frustrated and depressed an awful lot. Well, there is good news for you. You can change your baseline.
It’s not controversial to say that humans run on habits. And for our purposes, let’s just think of “habits” as the programs that run our behavior, both when we’re looking and when we aren’t. Some habits you may pride yourself on, while others you may really just want to hide away from everyone else in the world. And that is okay, that is your right. However, everything that we do and that we are is a habit, and that includes happiness. Yes, I just said it, happiness is a habit.
If something great happens to you today like you win the lottery, and it makes you happy, then maybe for the day you will be the happiest person on earth. How long do you think it would take for you to spend the money? A couple months? A couple years? If you have spent all the lottery money, are you still ecstatic that you’ve won the lottery? And the more important question, if after the money is gone you are no longer happy, were you ever really a happy person to begin with? Or were you simply an unhappy person experiencing happiness?
It is not easy to change your baseline, but it is possible. The way to access this change is by using what you remember, and the thoughts you think. You may cry out, “But I cannot change my thoughts!” And to this, I say that is untrue.
Whenever you choose to focus on an important task because you know it cannot wait, you are changing your thoughts. Whenever you correct yourself after making a mistake, you are changing your thoughts. And just like these choices, you can learn how to choose better thoughts. The kind of thoughts about yourself and others and the world around you that you would be happy to share, instead of feeling like you had to hide.
I’ve written a post on building new thoughts, which you can find by clicking here.
Don’t make the mistake of hiding behind what you’ve always done when there is a whole world waiting out there for the new person you could be! When you start to choose your thoughts, and choose positive ones, you raise your happiness baseline. The space inside your head can be a motivational seminar instead of a boiling pot of fears and put downs. Your world will change, and you with it.
There may always be that time in your life where you were so stuck in your head that you have no happy memories from, but by building a brain full of positivity and love, you will raise your happiness baseline and make new memories. And you will find that you become a happy person because of your dedication to grooming the garden of the things that you remember.
Have you ever been stuck in a spiral of negativity? How did you get out of it? Leave us a comment down below to help others gain positive momentum. Please be sure to share this message with friends and loved ones in person and on social media, so that they too may think about how to change their experience of life.
