I look around, and I see the groans of a people saying “I’m still here, I’m alive, technically.”
While this may not be a proper post, I wanted to try to put to words how I’ve been feeling, because maybe some of you have been wondering, worrying. And because maybe a part of me has been wondering myself.
I’ve been feeling like most things are useless lately. Maybe it’s nihilism, maybe it’s depression, global awareness, or just growing up. And it’s not pretty.
I’m not asking any of you for help, encouragement or money or anything. I know I’ll be alright, and at the same time, I won’t. I guess that’s kind of the point.
Every day I wake up and I think how very grateful I am to be alive, even if it feels like this right now, so heavy. And it’s not because I have hope that things will get better, even though I do, and they probably will, eventually. But really, it’s that life, even at its hardest, is so beautiful. Heck, maybe even one of life’s most beautiful things is its’ pain.
I can’t help but thinking that I’ve been neglecting things lately. I can’t help but thinking it because it’s true. Everything seems to have fallen by the wayside and I don’t even really know what’s a priority anymore. I love writing, but what’s the point? I wonder what there’s even left to say these days. I’m debating even posting this because it seems too depressing for this site, especially when this was always supposed to be a place to help people.
But I’ve decided to, just now, as I’m writing this sentence, because this…is real. And I think that after everything that I’ve been through and everything that we all have been through I almost owe it to you all, my readers, to be real.
So here it is. For many reasons, and a long time now, my heart has been really heavy. I’m in love with life and the world still, and I don’t know what either have in store for me, but I’m still celebrating them. I hope that wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, you do the same. This world doesn’t need you to be happy, it needs you to show up when you can. To be real. To connect with others and celebrate life while we have it to share in. I’m so proud of you for making it this far, for choosing the best options that you can find in the moment. And I’m grateful that you’re on this earth at the same time as me. I don’t know what lies ahead of me, or of us. But thank you for waking up and giving it a chance every day.
